Breaking the Busy Mom Syndrome

by Dwight Bain

60 Proven Strategies to find new Strength in High-Stress Situations

We’ve all seen her – a busy mom trying to do everything and chronically being overwhelmed and stressed out because she can’t get it all done. So why don’t people reach out to help her? More importantly, why does she try to do so much which could lead to burn out – or worse – even Compassion Fatigue? What drives some women to the point of complete exhaustion?

Before you dismiss this as an overstatement, consider the newest definition of those who care for so many, with so little support. It’s called “Caregiver Stress Syndrome” and is a clinical way to describe the real physical and psychological changes as a result of chronic stress from on-going caregiver responsibilities.

Caregiver Stress Syndrome are actual physiological, psychological and emotional symptoms that can result from the ongoing strain of caregiving for a loved one, or attending to the all of the needs of others.”

How can you tell if you have crossed the line from being busy and overcommitted into being at risk for dangerous stress? Take a pen and score yourself on the stress symptom checklist below. Think about your life or even better, have someone who knows you well take the list and score what they see in you. Remember, many of these symptoms are common with day to day stress, but combined they can put you at risk for serious medical or emotional problems.

Warning Signs of Dangerous Stress 

PHYSICAL

EMOTIONAL

BEHAVIORAL

COGNITIVE

The more warning indicators identified in a single category or across multiple categories, the more that person may be over-exposed to dangerous levels of psychological distress. If you are feeling overwhelmed with dangerous stress symptoms reach out to a trusted medical or psychological source so you can develop a logical plan to stabilize and recover.

What can you do if you are over the line from busy to burnout to dangerous stress?

Use the “STOP-REST” Strategy as soon as possible. The letters are an acrostic for rapid recovery of caregiver stress, and each letter stands for an immediate step to rapidly recover. Here’s how it works.

S- Symptoms. Identify your stress symptoms across all categories.  (Use the list above as a guide)

T – Time. Get honest with how much time it takes to accomplish all the things on your list.

O- Obstacles. What is standing in your way? Is it a roadblock of money, guilt, obligations, What are they and then rank them from the most impossible to the most manageable?

P- Priorities. These are the core values in your life which must be lived out. Everything else waits on your primary priorities.

R- Recharge. Figure out what refreshes your body and soul and connect to that activity daily. (There are over 60 strategies listed out below to help you get started).

E- Environment. Do you recharge better with people – or alone? Curled up with a book, or out in Nature? Knowing the right environment will allow you to select activities or events which energize you, instead of drain you.

S- Supports. We need each other and moms are usually the worst about asking for help. Yet, the only way to really grow through challenging experiences is by having safe people to lean on. 

T- Trust. This is more about trusting God than trusting others. If you are a person of faith you have an opportunity to grow as a believer through every trial and challenge. If you believe God is there for you, use the times of pressure to cleanse out old fears to replace them with new confidence God won’t let you down, and that you are not alone in the journey. 

What are some fast ways to get back on track?

Start with your STOP doing list. Here’s how Stanford Professor Jim Collins describes this overlooked strategy. “Most of us lead busy, but undisciplined lives. We have ever-expanding “to do” lists, trying to build momentum by doing, doing, doing—and doing more. And it rarely works. Effective leaders make as much use of “stop doing” lists as the “to do” lists. They displayed a remarkable amount of discipline to unplug all sorts of extraneous junk”.

First, decide what you need to Stop doing today to Achieve more tomorrow?

 “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” – M. Scott Peck, MD

Next begin to implement healthy ways to cope across the different areas of life. There are over 60 healthy coping skills listed below. Pick one or two of these proven strategies to put into practice and watch how quickly your perspective will change. So while you can’t make stress go away, you can grow stronger in spite of it. Don’t believe it? Try it over the next two weeks and you’ll see why millions of people in high stress situations practice these coping skills. They aren’t smarter or stronger than you – just more disciplined to use proven steps to recharge. The full list of physical, emotional, relational, behavioral and spiritual steps are mapped out below to get you started in protecting your health and the health of the busy or burned out caregivers you may know.

Once you identify what works for you, reach out to others and share the list with them. Together you can make a difference as you move beyond carrying your burdens alone to experiencing the powerful connection of managing the pressures of life with someone who cares.  That is the fastest way to move from being a burned out caregiver, to one who blesses others with care and compassion because they found a source of renewal and strength.

Physical: 

1. Sleep, (7-9 hours)
2. Sleep rituals- Same time to wake up and go to bed
3. Predictable daily schedule
4. Healthy Diet with Regular mealtimes
5. Hydration throughout day
6. Nutritional supplements
7. Low impact exercise
8. Yoga/Pilates/Stretching
9. Deep breathing
10. Relaxation routines/massage or energizing naps
11. Regular physical checkups, including blood work
12. Medication, (as prescribed by your physician)

Emotional:

1. Esteem building exercises, especially with photos or images
2. Laughter/Fun/Playtime
3. Face anger, anxiety and apathy directly
4. Journal out negative emotions
5. Let go of painful past memories
6. Say “NO” to bad habits
7. Talk through issues to get through issues
8. Identify and process hurtful emotions
9. Write letters to vent out disappointment, (then tear them up)

Relational:

1. Face relationship issues
2. Voice your needs to others
3. Confront conflict directly
4. Connect with friends/family
5. Share your burdens with others
6. Join a support group
7. Utilize counseling supports
8. Join a hobby group which involves others
9. Say “NO” to manipulative behavior
10. Hugs/affection, (from pets or people)
11. Learn the love language of those close to you

Behavioral:

1. Daily planning time
2. Utilize organizational planners
3. Short term goals
4. Daily hobbies for enjoyment
5. Creative activities for relaxation
6. Develop victory list of accomplishments
7. Create a bucket list of lifetime goals
8. Reading for personal development
9. Pay it forward” to do good for others
10. Learn something new everyday
11. Take on new challenges
12. Leave work stress at work
13. Take a training course to gain a new skill

Spiritual: 

1. Meditation
2. Volunteer to help others
3. Reading for spiritual growth
4. Forgive those who have wronged you and forgive yourself
5. Listen to inspirational music
6. Attend a Bible study
7. Attend worship services
8. Make prayer a regular part of your day
9. Develop spiritual landmarks
10. Observe a day of rest
11. Memorize scriptures for strength
12. Remember, “Things come to pass – not stay”
13. Re-create spiritual peace out in nature
14. Build spiritual strength through spiritual experiences
15. Attend church socials to experience greater spiritual connection

Being a busy mom is a normal part of life, but with these coping skills it is my hope you will move from stress to strength and find the meaning behind these thoughts from Reverend Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who said, “There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler.”  Because once you are able to “STOP and REST” you will see so many blessings from God you missed before and find greater joy in the process. I hope you start today.

About the Author – Dwight Bain helps people rewrite their story to move from stress to strength. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Bain partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Follow him on social media at www.Facebook.com/DwightBain or on Twitter @DwightBain Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 800 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2014), To receive this valuable counseling resource at no cost, visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org and click on the subscribe for E-Newsletter at the homepage. You are welcome to share this resource with others on your blog, social media, or work or church newsletter. Simply leave the article intact and all links must be reprinted. Thank you for helping us to help others.