Mornings
Give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107:31 NIV
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18 NIV
Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Hebrews10:24 NIV
Does your morning ritual start calmly with peaceful conversations, or it is a mad rush full of conflict and chaos?
For most of us it’s a time of panic, rushing and even yelling at each other, (which never makes it better by the way). So, how can you move from a morning rush to a healthy morning routine? The answer is found in a series of daily disciplines my friend John Maxwell taught me which I call the “Daily 5”.
These are a series of healthy rituals that are practiced every day, no matter what. The secret isn’t in listing a healthy pattern to start your day rather the real strength comes from practicing them every day.
Dr. Maxwell explains it this way, “Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you growing. It doesn’t matter how talented you are. It doesn’t matter how many opportunities you receive. If you want to grow, consistency is key.” John goes on to share that his five disciplines are, reading, writing, thinking, asking questions and filing what he has learned. Watching how effectively these daily disciplines added value to my friend led to developing my own daily list. They are:
Many years ago my lovely wife Sheila taught me the simplicity of laying out clothes and shoes the night before and placing car keys and cellphone chargers near the front door to prevent morning chaos. It works and solves tremendous conflict, yet a more organized morning will not create the lasting results of changed behavior over time.
“Small disciplines repeated with consistency every day lead to great achievements gained slowly over time.” – Dr. John C. Maxwell
To solve the morning chaos and feel peaceful as you launch into your day, ask yourself what are your “Daily 5” Disciplines which could make a huge difference in your life?
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Once you know what your daily 5 are, and begin to put them into practice, ask your children what their “Daily 5” Disciplines might be.
Remember, it’s important for them to select their own tasks, not yours as a parent. If they don’t know ask them what is important to make their morning function better. It might be simple, but be encouraging so your children feel empowered to take on a task, instead of waiting helplessly for you as the parent to tackle it for them.
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The Daily 5 can change your home, but only if it starts with you. The way you start your day will set the tone for the entire day, so when the sun comes up tomorrow morning try a new path and watch how much better you and those you care about feel.
About the Author: Dwight Bain is a change author, believer, husband, father, reader & Jazz Music lover who adds value with transformational Counseling & Coaching. Follow him across social media platforms @DwightBain
This has been a challenging time in our community, complicated by bad news coming from some part of our country every day. Children are aware of emotions, even if they can’t express them in a way their parents can hear or understand. So how can you tell if your son or daughter has experienced high levels of traumatic stress, leading to the dangerous symptoms of acute stress syndrome that affects emotional and physical health?
Look for the following symptoms to determine if your child is affected.
(For a longer list check out the European Journal of Developmental Psychology, 1, 31-47).
While it is normal for children to feel any of these physical symptoms at times, (like the first day of school or after a pet has died), the combination of multiple physical symptoms after a community crisis could be an indication of dangerous stressoverload being internalized, which can lead to harmful symptoms that might hurt your child.
Start by checking out your child’s physical health symptom with your pediatrician, that’s smart and if you have a relationship with a trusted child therapist you might schedule an appointment for a specific fearful event, (like parents who are divorcing or a grandparent with cancer). There is peace in knowing that a professional has checked out your child’s symptoms to see if there is something else going on.
However, for many of the unspecified symptoms listed perhaps use creative arts to reduce the stress or worry your child may be feeling inside to teach them how to express and manage the scary emotions they may be experiencing.
Artistic and emotional expression is a powerful way to release pain. Try any of the following to help your child develop coping skills to identify and process their own emotions during scary situations.
You may not think of these simple creative arts as a powerful form of reducing dangerous stress and anxiety; however research shows when you are totally immersed in creativity that your blood pressure and heart rate go down.
It is peaceful for your brain to move from chaos to calm through creativity – and the best part is you can enjoy the creative calm along with your child. Try it!
About the Author – Dwight Bain helps people rewrite their stories with transformational counseling and coaching from his hometown of Orlando. Follow him online atwww.DwightBain.com or on social @DwightBain
A 2005 study of psychiatric disorders estimated 1 in 5 children will have temperamental mood disorders which can be expressed in many ways. It can feel overwhelming for parents, especially when it can be so hard to determine what triggers it. When you can identify the triggers, it is easier to identify the source. Psychologists have created a common list of angry warning signs. As you read through them think of your child, and what might trigger their angry moods.
Which of these sounds like your son or daughter?
___ Easily Irritable
___ Frequently loses temper
___ Highly Impatient
___ Easily Annoyed
___ Verbally Defensive or Verbally Aggressive
___ Sulks, Pouts and acts out in a passive-aggressive way
___ Often ends up expressing frustration
___ Starts quarrels, arguments in a defiant manner
___ Pushes for conflict in an overly aggressive manner Overly aggressive
___ Violent and hostile language including swearing or name calling
___ Violent threats, spiteful, vindictive actions- including rage episodes
___ Violent acts against people, animals or property, or violent acts against oneself
Once you identify the triggers, then consider the root factors. Which of these sounds like your child? (circle)
Selfishness, rejection from friends or siblings, modeling anger seen in parents marriage relationship, low self-esteem, loneliness, grief or sadness over parents divorce, shattered trust, poverty, body image issues, insecurities, academic failures, poverty, disappointments and the resentment cycle.
Resentment cycle –
Hurt of some kind, (often from misunderstanding)
Deep Disappointment
Resentment
Bitterness
Hatred
Rage
Revenge
These temperamental emotions are common, but highly destructive. When you discover your child facing these symptoms please take action to create positive change and one of the most positive steps you can take is to model forgiveness. When a parent is able to say “I was wrong” it sets the child free to do the same. Trying to use talking, listing words, writing or art to draw out the root issues in your child allows her to learn to process emotions, instead of stuff them. Begin to use this philosophy in your home, “If we can talk through it – we can get through it.”Because the greater your ability to keep the conversation moving forward instead of simmering in resentful silence, the greater you will experience deep peace in your home.
Home should be the safest and happiest place. Sparking the conversations to let the temperamental moods out to be discussed is a major step to move forward to make that happen. Breaking the angry cycle will change your home forever, so please take bold action to set your family free and do it today. You will never regret reclaiming peace and stability your home.
About the Author –
Dwight Bain is an author, counselor and certified life coach who helps people manage major change. Follow his daily posts for wisdom on Twitter or Instagram @DwightBain orwww.Facebook.com/DwightBain or www.LinkedIn.com/DwightBainor www.YouTube.com/DwightBain or at this blog with over 800 special reports accessible at www.LifeworksGroup.org
| Parent’s Guide to Overcome Childhood Fears
Fear is a normal part of childhood – learning how to manage it is an important part of growing up Everyone feels fear. From six years old to sixty people worry and feel afraid. There are classic symptoms all children face, (listed below), which are indicators of the levels of anxiety a child may be facing. And did you know fear is such a common theme that the Bible has over 300 verses dedicated to facing fear and not staying afraid? Emotional maturity takes place when a child learns to face their fears by managing these negative emotions through talking, praying, writing them out in words, drawings or other expressive arts. The more a child can learn to ‘replace’ their fears with facts or faith, the more confidence she will gain, and when she can learn the power of deep truth, like, “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear… for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you”.(Deuteronomy 31:6) When anxiety and fear is replaced by greater faith a child begins to grow into the confident adult they were designed to be. What does childhood fear look like? Feeling afraid is a normal part of childhood, and can even be a protective emotion that can be an early alarm to warn of danger. The challenge is when a child feels anxious or nervous for no apparent reason, because those insecurities feed their fears as their confidence diminishes, leading to feeling weak and scared instead of developing greater self-confidence and emotional security. Because so many new experiences for children are tied to their school or sports performance, anxiety becomes a major roadblock for academic or social activities, and for some children will become a major roadblock in their personality development. Is Childhood Anxiety Normal?
Can my Child’s fears Affect their Health? Birth to 2 years, (Toddlers) are scared by loud noises, separation from parents, strangers, some large objects or costumed characters can also create fears at this age
3 to 6 years, (Preschoolers) are scared by fearful imaginations like monsters, ghosts, masks, shadows, the dark, sleeping alone, meeting new pets – especially large ones like dogs and extreme weather such as thunder and lightning
7 to 16 years, (School age) have increased fears across many areas like being left home alone, experiencing a parent or teachers anger, illness, shots, dentists, fear of parents divorce, spiders, snakes, bullies, peer rejection, failing at school and the more realistic fears of harm such as automobile accidents, someone in the family on drugs/alcohol, bullies and world events like terrorism.
Manage these fears with Replacement Routines
Birth to Toddlers need security and predictability. Have routines, rituals and similar patterns like bedtime, meals or story time or singing the same lullabies to create a predictable environment. Limiting the number of people who are in very close contact can help avoid a child being overstimulated. Preschoolers need guidance on controlling their expanding imagination to know there are more than just monsters in the dark. They can learn to use their wonderful imagination to think of what isn’t in the dark, or what isn’t at the bottom of the lake. It’s just as easy to think ahead together about what is good, pure and right as it is things which are negative or hostile. Here is where parental example can shine in modeling and teaching self-control.
School age children are faced with incredible pressures from grades, to peers, to parents to rejection, to body-image to their parent’s marriages to loss of a home in foreclosure to theft or crime or school shooters. It can be an overwhelming time, so it is especially important to manage growing fear with growing faith and positive coping skills. Children in this group may benefit with professional counseling if anxiety symptoms become unmanageable.
Managing Fear with Maturity and Faith
At any age you can help a child understand the source of their fears, and when possible to use the phrase, “If you can talk through it you can get through it” so they can let their parents know what is going on inside. Here are some other techniques to guide your child out of fear by managing feelings with facts so they can grow past their fear with greater faith.
A simple way for younger children is to have them draw two pictures. One of them in the fearful situation, then to replace that fear in a second drawing showing them in a picture overcoming their fear. Some children respond better through writing, so helping them craft journals, prayer lists or even a happiness list of where they replace their fearful thoughts with happy and peaceful ones. Simple steps can take emotions bottled up inside in a new direction, which helps the child feel stronger and the parent feel more connected to their son or daughter.
Sharing stories of how you managed childhood fears are a good conversation starter, but it’s just to create a connection that you are human too. The goal is for the child to express what’s inside and to know her parents understand how she feels. Keep it short and ask the question, “what else” to allow her to express as many negative emotions as possible so they don’t stay inside where they can hurt her.
Telling a child they have nothing to fear doesn’t actually make their fears go away – it makes things worse s0 learn to validate his emotions as ‘normal’ to help him move through the anxiety since all other kids his age are facing some of the same fears, (remember oral reports in English class – terrifying!)
Be creative with stories, films, songs, books or even stories of how your parents or grandparents faced major fears. Courage isn’t the absence of fear – it’s feeling the fear and moving forward. A girl who knows how strong her grandmother was in similar circumstances will find greater strength for a lifetime when she knows that strength runs in her family tree.
Drawing, prayer, music, scriptures, expressive arts, sports, youth group, even role playing with stuffed animals can help a child move past their fears. Try it all with a single goal in mind – how can I help my son or daughter get stronger?
Some fears may always be present, like public speaking, so focus on the things your child can control like her emotions. Learning to replace fear with facts, (Wikipedia says that millions of other people are just as scared as I was when facing the same situation), or replacing fear with greater faith like this promise from Isaiah 41:10,“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Mastering the journey from childlike fear to adult like faith is what we would want for our children at any stage of life. Learning how to manage fear is the path to a life of confidence and calm. It’s a good path, but uphill all the way so let me challenge you to get started.
About the Author – Dwight Bain is an author, counselor and certified life coach who helps people manage major change. Follow his daily posts for wisdom on Twitter or Instagram @DwightBain orwww.Facebook.com/DwightBainwww.LinkedIn.com/DwightBainwww.YouTube.com/DwightBain or at his blog, accessible through www.LifeworksGroup.org Attachments area Preview attachment Childhood Fears.docx Childhood Fears.docx
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There is a disease affecting almost every child in America, and it can’t be treated at any hospital. The disease is Entitlement Thinking and it crosses into every corner of our country with the attitude of being served and being given more and more to create happiness. Entitlement is the belief that someone automatically deserves special privileges and special treatment and can be identified by one or all of the following symptoms –
Signs of Entitlement Thinking:
Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer wrote this description of the disease in Psychology Today: “Those ‘afflicted’ with a sense of entitlement demonstrate the attitude that whatever they want, they deserve- and automatically at that, simply because they are who they are. So anything they desire, whether material or relational, should be theirs. It’s inherently justified; there’s no need to actually earn it.” We all want what we want-and we want to have it now, please. In our culture of plenty, immediate gratification is very much a reality. We can make our dreams come true on multiple levels.”
Are you beginning to see the picture? Children who are given too much, or who are protected from responsibility are actually blocked from experiencing the confidence that can only come from effort. No effort – no internal strength, so when a parent feels pity for a tired child and sends them to bed while they stay up and complete the child’s science project it actually hurts the child because they don’t learn anything; (except that their mom will rescue them if they don’t plan out their time for school projects properly).
While it is important to remember that Entitlement Thinking can affect any age, it is most visible in those under the age of twenty. Author Jon Krakauer describes it this way, “It is easy, when you are young, to believe that what you desire is no less than what you deserve, to assume that if you want something badly enough, it is your God-given right to have it.”
No one wants to parent an Entitled Child, especially when they are at great risk of growing into an Entitled Adult living off of their parents for financial support. It’s embarrassing and difficult to break this pattern, that’s why it’s important to seriously address issues as young as possible, and to set and enforce boundaries that bring emotional strength instead of weakness.
Remember, it is not a sign of bad parenting to confront issues, set boundaries and use the word “no”. In fact it may save your child’s life at some point because they have learned the strength of having internal standards against the pressure of their peer group. Parents sometimes cave in because they want to become a friend to their child, instead of an authority source. Lisa Earle McLead, wrote about this process in her book “The Triangle of Truth” where she observes that, “Childhood happiness has become the scorecard by which adults measure their success or failure as parents… Constantly striving to please your kids turns them into your boss. Their happiness becomes your performance review.” You are required to be the parent, and often that means setting the standard to bring strength, instead of being the buddy or pal.
Parent Coach Amy McCready from Raleigh, North Carolina is a national expert on the issues of breaking Entitlement Thinking. Here is her list as a reference point of what not to do if you want to see your children succeed in avoiding the entitlement trap.
11 Ways to Raise a Child Who is Entitled and Rude
Do you see the absurdity of this type of parenting? While it sounds silly, there are millions of homes that operate under the mindset of protecting children from growing up by shielding them from taking on any type of adult responsibility. This doesn’t help a child – it only makes them weaker. Amy goes into this danger in her excellent book, “The Me, Me, Me Epidemic” where she says, “Entitlement isn’t just a problem in our homes; it’s a societal problem as well. Teachers and coaches report that students expect to get A’s for C effort and a starting position on the team just for showing up. When the test doesn’t go well, the “teacher doesn’t like me” or the “test was unfair.” Friendships and relationships suffer as kids with a “me, me, me” mentality lack empathy and a willingness to put others first. Employers struggle to hire teens and young adults with the people skills and work ethic to be successful. The bottom line is that entitled kids will one day grow into narcissistic adults, demanding spouses and high-maintenance employees. That’s certainly not what we want for our kids!”
She coaches and challenges parents to take bold action to break the pattern of entitlement thinking before it becomes epidemic. In traditional marriages, and especially blended familiesentitlement thinking shows up in a multitude of behaviors. Do any of these situations sound like what life in your home is like?
You find yourself exasperated at your children’s demands but caving anyway.
You’re exhausted keeping up with the house, but everyone’s too busy watching TV to help.
You can’t make it through the grocery store without buying a treat.
You’re frequently supplementing your kids’ allowance.
You take responsibility for your kids by doing things for them that you know they should be able to do for themselves.
You resort to bribes or rewards to get cooperation from your kids.
You frequently rescue your kids by driving forgotten items to school or reminding them about their deadlines.
Your child frequently takes issue with rules and expectations at school or in activities.
Your child is quick to blame others for anything that goes wrong.
Your child tries to manipulate others to get his way.
Your child commonly sulks or pitches a fit when she doesn’t get her way.
Your child often complains of being bored and wants to be entertained by you.
To learn more from Amy McCready and get free parenting tools, visit: www.PositiveParentingSolutions.com or www.AmyMcCready.com
“Never do for a child what he can do for himself. A “dependent” child is a demanding child…Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility.” – Rudolf Dreikurs and Margaret Goldman
A significant part of success in the adult world is learning how to earn income based on effort, instead of on continual gifting where no effort or work on the part of the child is involved. Here are some essential truths to begin teaching your children to break this negative pattern and protect them from economic or financial hardship from not knowing how to earn and manage their finances wisely.
Money doesn’t come easily.
You need to have Compassion for others (developing world problems)
People work hard to earn money; it’s a necessary part of life for adults
If you want something, you need to work to earn it.
You are not entitled to things you haven’t earned.
Happiness does not come in having more money.
Responsibility for Actions: there are consequences and rewards for our financial behavior that can go on and create hardship for many years.
The disease of Entitlement Thinking is common in our culture, but devastating to relationships and even can block our spiritual connection to God. Listen to these words from Pastor Charles R. Swindoll, “I’m here today to warn you: I want you to watch out for the adversary. Guard yourself from any spirit of entitlement.” Or listen to this even more direct confrontation from Psychologist John Townsend, author of “The Entitlement Cure” who wrote; “While your child may be better in ability, she is no better intrinsically. In the eyes of God, she is no better than anyone else, as the Lord is no respecter of persons, (see Acts 10:34).
So, what can a parent or grandparent do to break this dangerous process of Entitlement Thinking? There are five areas to develop and reinforce to move your child toward success instead of continually dependency on their parents. They are:
“Instead of communicating “I love you, so let me make life easy for you,” I decided that my message needed to be something more along these lines: “I love you. I believe in you. I know what you’re capable of. So I’m going to make you work.” – Kay Wills Wyma
“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” – Brené Brown
“Humility is simply accepting the reality of who God is and who you are.” – John Townsend
“Legalism breeds a sense of entitlement that turns us into complainers.” – Tullian Tchividjian, Jesus + Nothing = Everything
God expects us to spend time and energy carrying our loads of responsibility for family, finances and other challenges. That’s how life works. – John Townsend
When you are able to build on these 5 “A’s” in the life of your son or daughter, you will be completely on track to guide a child into becoming an adult, which will give them success in life, while making you one of the unusual parents who cared enough to guide their child on a different path than others, but one that guarantees greater success and happiness because it is built on effort and hard work. John Townsend described it this way on the television show “FOX and Friends” last week, where he said, “The Hard Way is the entitlement cure. It is a path of behaviors and attitudes that undo the negative effects of entitlement, whether in ourselves or in others.”
You have more power to change than you realize and when you begin to read, think and perhaps even reach out for some counseling or coaching you can see tremendous change as you watch an entitled child become an empowered child on the path toward adulthood. They may not thank you now as you implement boundaries to build strength, but as King Solomon wrote so long ago in Proverbs 31:28, “They will rise up and call you blessed.” You know you need to make some changes, so step up – because it’s time to get started.
About the Author –
Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Author who founded the Lifeworks Group over 32 years ago. This group is one of the oldest Christian counseling centers in Florida and has helped over 15,000 families find hope, help and healing. Access over 850 free Blogs and YouTube training videos designed to solve stress now by giving you and those you love greater strength at www.LifeWorksGroup.org
Day 1 (Thursday): “429” Your Principal Day
“4:29” is a code word taken from Ephesians 4:29 for building the school principal up with your words and/or actions. Write an administrator a note of appreciation. Thank your principal for “See You At The Pole.” The administrators have a tough
job and rarely do they get any notes of “Thanks.” Hand deliver the note, drop the note off at the school office, or mail it.
If you know one of the administrators, you might feel comfortable asking them if you could pray for them and any needs at the school.
Think about how the school is a better place because of the leadership of the administrator you’ve chosen to write to.
Day 2 (Friday): “429” Your Teacher Day – Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor. Galatians 6:6
Write a note to let a teacher know he/she is special and that you prayed for him/her today. Teachers help people, so pray a prayer of thanksgiving for them.
Teachers have a hard job, so pray a prayer for them to have strength and wisdom. Teachers work long hours, so pray that God would strengthen and bless them ‘4:29’ one of your teachers. Hand the note to the teacher and job ‘teaching’ something that could cause such dispute say, “This is for you…Thanks.”
Day 3 (Saturday): “429” Your Parents Day – Honor your father and mother… that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:2-3
Do something nice and caring for, and with, your parent(s). For ideas see the illustration below. From an Advice Columnist: “I’m a 16 year old teenager who is a nervous wreck from getting yelled at. All I hear from morning to night is; stop being mean to your brother, get off the phone, hang up your clothes, do your homework, and clean your room!” The Advice Columnist’s answer: Stop being mean, get off the phone, hang up your clothes, do your homework, and clean your room.
Do something for someone today that will demonstrate the love of God to them. Remember that unconditional love is the best way to witness for Christ.
Well, you get the idea… spend time with Mom, she’ll love it! Do some chores your parent needs done without her having to ask.
• How about giving a “I Love You Mom” or “I Love You Dad” Card.
• “Thank you Mom for loving me, for all your sacrifice, for listening, and giving those special hugs.”
Day 4 (Sunday): “429” Your Pastor Day – The elders who direct the affairs of the church well—are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. 1 Timothy 5:17
Write your Pastor a note of appreciation and encourage him/her. Thank him/her for being a leader you can follow. Thank him/her for preparing a special message the Sunday your friends came to church. Offer to help anyone who could use assistance. Write a note thanking him/her for being God’s Shepherd for your church. Let the Pastor know you’re praying for him/her, his/her family, and the church. Write him/her a note so they have it in writing. Thank that individual for all that he/she does. Let your Pastor know that you’re praying for him/her.
Day 5 (Monday): “429” An Outsider Day- …the kindness of God leads you to repentance… Romans 2:4b
A secular society leads to generational confusion. The bible says that the kindness of God can lead these people to repentance. They may think that they could never be a Christian, or that Christians don’t like them. Many of these students believe that Christians hate them and that God may hate them too. But God offers love and forgiveness to everyone who repents and puts their trust in him. And He gives freedom from the things that keep us in bondage to sin.
Think of someone at school who might feel out of place at a church.
Make time today to talk to them and show them through acts of kindness that God loves them. Be kind, without compromising your biblical moral beliefs. Ask them what they think about God. Explain how God loves them and wants them to know and follow Him.
Day 6 (Tuesday): “429” Your Mentor Day – Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.
Day 7 (Wednesday-one week after SYATP): “429” Your School Day – Serve whole-heartedly, as if you were serving the Lord and not men. Ephesians 6:7
Our friend, Payton, is now a Marine! Straight out of high school to boot camp. We had a chance to talk with his momma. Here’s the audio. Would you please join us in praying for him, his family, and the rest of his group? Also, please let us know who else is serving that we can be praying for.
Ever have a terrible day where NOTHING was going right? You know, the kind of day where the clock doesn’t go off, you miss breakfast, then get stuck in traffic, show up late to work and get yelled at by your boss. Sometimes life is hard and absolutely nothing is working out; still it seems everyone knows a friend who never has a bad day, then others who live in chaos. Why do some people handle unexpected problems and stress better than others?
Listen – it’s not strength, intelligence, beauty or wealth – Simply put your mood is triggered by a mindset. No matter what is happening in your life you can control your thoughts and when you do it totally changes your mood. You may not think you have the power to control your thoughts and impulses after a tough day, but you do. Listen to the wisdom of King Solomon, “A Man without Self-Control is like a city broken into and left without Walls.” (Proverbs 25:28)
If you are above the age of five you have the mental capacity to think before you react in anger or frustration. If you want to determine the psychological age of the people around you – watch how they manage irritation when things don’t work out. Blowing up over your name being misspelled by the barista at Starbucks indicates a very low threshold of self-control; yet sometimes the person with no tolerance for problems in their own life expect everyone else to cut them some slack and show compassion. Your moods are an indicator of EVERYTHING going on inside you- your character, your maturity, your personality and even your faith in God. The way character and maturity is expressed through difficult circumstances was described by John Burroughs as, “Temperament lies behind mood; behind will, lies the fate of character. Then behind both, the influence of family the tyranny of culture; and finally the power of climate and environment; and we are free, only to the extent we rise above these.”
Want a better day? Learn to manage your moods. Here’s a quick formula I’ve found that helps everyone to live out the teaching of Jesus, who said, “I am come that they may have life and have it to the full” (John 10:10) Jesus didn’t promise a life without problems, rather, the promise was for a meaningful life. The more you learn to manage your moods, the better your life will be- here’s how.
The more you can challenge, and change your belief system, the more you can manage your moods. In fact, if you want to look into a “time machine” to see what your future is going to look like, just look at how you are managing your moods now. This is because mood management is one of the key indicators of your success in relationships, family, work and personal success.
If you are stuck in an angry mood – don’t fire your family or quit your job. Work on you. Change you. Find strength in the teaching of your faith and the wisdom of your mentors. You can change and you can rise above being moody and upset and you can teach your kids and spouse to do the same.
You have a choice on the worst days to remember how good God has been to you and those you care about. It’s been my experience as I meditate on the blessings and then focus on answered prayers that my moods soften, my expectations change and instead of making life miserable for the people around me, I can become a source of strength to help them through tough times. It’s a powerful source of healing to everyone you are in relationship with when you can move from being temperamental to modeling self-control. I promise you there will be an opportunity today to choose joy over sadness, peace over panic and acceptance of others over judging them. When you can manage your moods your whole world will be better and the world of everyone around you will be better and that’s a good trade– try it!
About the Author – Dwight Bain helps people rewrite their story to move from stress to satisfaction as a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984. He partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 850 complimentary articles and special reports atwww.LifeWorksGroup.org.
Everyone faces hardship and difficulty, but the person who has faith doesn’t have to face it alone.
Here are a series of observations by great thinkers about the effectiveness and power of prayer when you feel discouraged. Select one or two that match your situation as you turn from focusing on your problems, to focusing your thoughts on God’s provision. This is much like King David in the Bible, who wrote, “This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him and delivered him from all his fears.” (Psalm 34).
“God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr (American Theologian)
PRAYER is the difference between the best YOU CAN DO and the best GOD CAN DO.
God only gives three answers to prayer:1. Yes! 2. Not yet 3. I have something better in mind.
God doesn’t move in your life when you struggle; He moves when you pray.
When life knocks you on your knees, you’re in a perfect position to pray
“I firmly believe a great many prayers are not answered because we are not willing to forgive someone” – D.L. Moody
Has someone wronged you recently? Resist the urge to judge that person. Instead, pray that God might use you to reach the offender. – Warren Wiersbe
“To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.” – Martin Luther
“I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day.”- Abraham Lincoln
If you cannot trust God for the temporal, how dare you trust him for the eternal? – Charles Spurgeon
“Prayer is the rope that pulls God and man together. But, it doesn’t pull God down to us: It pulls us up to Him.” – Billy Graham
“Every Christian needs a half-hour of prayer each day, except when he is busy, then he needs an hour.” – Francis de Sales
“Don’t pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it.” – Corrie Ten Boom
“Our prayers are heard by God not according to what we try to be when we pray, but who we are when we are not praying” – Joyce Meyer
“We should spend as much time in thanking God for his benefits as we do in asking him for them.” –Vencent de Paul, Roman Catholic priest
“Never make the blunder of trying to forecast the way God is going to answer your prayer.” –Oswald Chambers, English devotional writer.
“God will either give you what you ask, or something far better.” (Robert Murray McCheyne – Scottish Evangelical Pastor)
“Whether we like it or not, asking is the rule of the kingdom” – Charles Spurgeon, Baptist revivalist preacher.
“In prayer we shift the center of living from self-consciousness to self-surrender” – Abraham Joshua Heschel, American Jewish Theologian.
“Prayer is naught but a rising desire of the heart into God by withdrawing of the heart from all earthly thoughts.” – Walter Hilton
“He who has learned to pray has learned to pray has learned the greatest secret of a holy and happy life.” – William Law, Anglican author.
“There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.” – Brother Lawrence
Oswald Chambers said, “Ask God for what you want, but you cannot ask if you are not asking for a right thing. When you draw near to God, you cease from asking for things.“Your Father knows what things you have need of, before you ask him.” Then, why ask? That you may get to know Him.”
Martin Luther said,“What are the things we should pray for? First, our personal troubles…The greatest trouble we can ever know is thinking that we have no trouble for we can become hard-hearted and insensible to what is inside of us.”
Elton Trueblood (Quaker Philosopher) said, “At the profoundest depths in life, men talk not about God but with Him.”
D. L. Moody (19th Century Evangelist) said, “Sometimes when your child talks, your friends cannot understand what he says; but the mother understands very well. So if our prayer comes from the heart, God understands our language.”
D. L. Moody (19th Century Evangelist) said, “After we have made our requests known to Him, our language should be, “Thy will be done.” I would a thousand times rather that Gods’ will should be done than my own.”
John Wesley said,“God does nothing except in answer to Prayer.”
John Maxwell said,“Every time I have had a breakthrough in my life, it has been because of Prayer”
C.S. Lewis said,“Lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us.”
Walter Wink said,“History belongs to the intercessors”
Henry Ward Beecher said, “Whoever can take a church and develop in it a good prayer meeting, carry it on through years and still have it fruitful, various, spiritual — he is a General.”
The men who have guided the destiny of the United States have found the strength for their tasks by going to their knees. This private unity of public men and their God is an enduring source of reassurance for the people of America. – Lyndon B. Johnson 1908-1973, Thirty-sixth President of the USA
All that I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother. I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. – Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865, Sixteenth President of the USA
All who call on God in true faith, earnestly from the heart, will certainly be heard, and will receive what they have asked and desired. – Martin Luther 1483-1546, German Leader of the Protestant Reformation
More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones. – Mother Teresa 1910-1997, Albanian-born Roman Catholic Missionary
Dale Carnegie was asked, “what is the secret of your life?” Dale Carnegie replied, “Every day I pray. I yield myself to God, the tensions and anxieties go out of me and peace and power come in.
Woodrow Wilson said,”I pray God I may be given the wisdom and the prudence to do my duty in the true spirit of this great people. I am their servant and can succeed only as they sustain and guide me by their confidence and their counsel. The thing I shall count upon, the thing without which neither counsel nor action will avail, is the unity of America—an America united in feeling, in purpose and in its vision of duty, of opportunity and of service.” – We thank “Paul Flatt” for submitting
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale “When you are in an upsetting situation, pray for everyone involved. Pray hard and be open to the power of God.” Prayer is a gift that blesses you and those for whom you pray and it is something that can be done at any time, in any place, whenever you have a moment to give.
“God shapes the world by prayer. The more prayer there is in the world the better the world will be, the mightier the forces of against evil” – E.M. Bounds
“No learning can make up for the failure to pray. No earnestness, no diligence, no study, no gifts will supply its lack.” E.M. Bounds
“We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.” Oswald Chambers
“Prayer breaks all bars, dissolves all chains, opens all prisons, and widens all straits by which God’s saints have been held.” E. M. Bounds
C. H. Spurgeon “If you want that splendid power in prayer, you must remain in loving, living, lasting, conscious, practical, abiding union with the Lord Jesus Christ.”
“Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work” – Oswald Chambers
“Those persons who know the deep peace of God, the unfathomable peace that passeth all understanding, are always men and women of much prayer.” R. A. Torrey
“Beware in your prayers, above everything else, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do. Expect unexpected things ‘above all that we ask or think.'” Andrew Murray
“There has never been a spiritual awakening in any country or locality that did not begin in united prayer.” A.T. Pierson
“Heaven is full of answers to prayer for which no one bothered to ask” – Billy Graham
USA Today Newspaper asked readers “What do you want the most?” and the most common answer was to be happy.
While this sounds reasonable, it’s actually quite a puzzle because happiness is very individualized and hard to broadly define. What makes one person happy may not have much effect on another, or might even annoy them.
While the formula of what creates happiness is elusive, (think of Thomas Jefferson’s writing about the “Pursuit of Happiness”), the physical and psychological benefits of happiness are easy to track. Here’s a short list of the benefits of being happier.
Lack of happiness leads to a feeling of discontentment, discouragement and sometimes even despair over how they perceive their lives are not working out. It seems tied to a perception of what creates the feeling of having“Enough” to be happy. Enough money, enough food, enough entertainment, enough friends, enough shoes… and that list could go on and on. Since there is no end to trying to achieve, accomplish or accumulate more, for some people there is no end to how moody and grumpy they feel, not even realizing their expectation of wanting more was creating their own feelings of unhappiness.
Yet having material possessions can’t explain how a general feeling of happiness floods some countries, while being absent in others. In 2013 the most grateful countries were India, South Africa, the Philippines and Nigeria with the United States coming in eleventh but not as far behind as the least happy countries of Denmark, Hungary, the Czech Republic and the United Kingdom.
Here is the key to finding and experiencing greater happiness, no matter if you are six, thirty-six or sixty-six. You have to think differently. Feeling happy is not based on externals, like having a good hair day or finding a parking spot near the front of the store rather it’s based on a mindset because happiness is an inside job. It’s based on attitude, not circumstances.
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.” – Abraham Lincoln
Here is a rapid formula to find more happiness, and it’s easy to remember because it spells out the popular phrase from a Bobby McFerrin song, who challenged listeners to “Don’t worry – Be Happy.”
B – Belief. Your belief about your circumstances greatly affects your feelings of happiness. If you are unhappy with not having a new pair of shoes, spend some time with a person who doesn’t have any feet. When you change your belief system, you change everything.
E – Expectations. What you expect about your life will set you up for feelings of blessings or problems. If you are looking for the best, you will find it. If you are looking for something that isn’t working the way you want you will find that too. Consider the old phrase – “Two men looked through prison bars- one saw the mud, the other saw the stars.”
H – Help others. People who helped others were 20% happier than people who didn’t get involved in trying to make a positive difference. This can be done through your family, school, church or community and is the foundation of what happier people do. They add value to other people.
A – Accept circumstances. No amount of worry can pay your rent. Being mad and moody will not make your marriage better. Facing your life directly, and taking action to work on it is the key to finding greater happiness. Stuffing your feelings inside and being mad at the world only hurts you.
P – Prayer. Being a person of faith who believes that God has a greater plan for life is one of the keys to experiencing greater happiness, meaning and joy. Prayer is the process of giving up control of the things you can’t control to God, and then trusting in a power greater than yourself to manage the events and circumstances of life. The single greatest element to experience a life filled with happiness is to have a little faith.
P – Perspective. How you perceive a situation really does create your reality. If you believe people like you more when you smile and act friendly you will see that they do. When you have a positive mindset and outlook on life you will usually find more blessings than problems and that will create greater happiness.
Y – Yell “Yes” to celebrate the blessings and good things in your life, every single day.
Happiness may be hard to define for some people but when you practice this simple formula you will be living out the wisdom of cartoonist Bill Keane who said, “God is Good and Life is a Gift. That’s why they call it the Present.”
About the Author – Dwight Bain is a counselor and life coach focused on creating positive change based in Orlando.
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