Mornings
Give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107:31 NIV
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18 NIV
Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Hebrews10:24 NIV
Identifying and disarming childhood fears
Children can be psychologically affected from anxiety and fears just like adults. The biggest problem is that they don’t know how to tell their parents about how they are feeling especially when traumatized or terrified. A small child who believes there are monsters under her bed is every bit as scared as an adult walking to their car in a dark parking garage and knowing there is someone following them. Anxiety is real and will only get worse without taking action to create peace and safety. Here are some helpful steps to make sure that your son or daughter is protected from experiencing the chronic worry or panic from anxiety.
Watch for the warning signs of anxiety
Here are some of the symptoms and behaviors that may indicate your child has elevated anxiety or fears. Remember your main goal is to protect your child and not minimize or deny their emotional symptoms. The more symptoms present, the greater the need for the child to receive additional support and care from family, clergy, teachers or a counseling or medical professional.
– Major changes in energy level, especially lethargy or helplessness
– Heightened fear and worry about violence or being hurt by bullies
– Changes in sleep patterns, especially nightmares or night terrors
– Regressive behavior, (e.g. “baby talk”, clingy to parents or bedwetting)
– Preoccupation with loss of parents or being stranded without parents
– Major swings in school performance, from aggression, withdrawal or apathy
– Angry explosions or depressive moodiness stuffed inside in silence
– Withdrawal from normal activities at home, church or school
– Avoidance of friends, family or pets by going into an emotional “cocoon”
Any of the above symptoms can be normal reactions to a stressful daily life events and may not indicate a need for professional intervention; however it is important to watch for major changes in your child’s attitude, personality or behavior to know how to help them cope. Small children can’t tell you what they are feeling with words, but they can tell you through their actions or non-verbal expressions. The chart below covers the progression of emotions, from peace to panic. Knowing which level your child is on gives you a place to start in creating security for them again. Anxiety is real, and so are proven ways to cope.
Below the chart are some action steps you can begin to use to reduce pressure on your children and keep them emotionally safe during the scary times of childhood.
Faint, Unconscious
–Loss of Control of Body Functions
-Shock/Numb
-Racing Heartbeat
-Sweating/Chills/Hot Flashes
-Nausea
-Phobia
-Terrorized
-Traumatized
-Weak/Helpless
-Panic
-Scared
-Anxiety
-Catastrophe Thinking
-Worried
-Pressured
-Stressed
-Frustration
-Fearful Thinking
-Insecure
-Moody
-Bothered
-Calm
Peaceful
What can parents do to lessen the harmful impact of anxiety?
Here are some positive action steps that you can take to help your child avoid the negative impacts of being overloaded from harmful anxiety.
1) Take care of yourself
Since children draw much of their security from their parents, it is important to keep yourself well grounded and supported. Spend more time with healthy family, friends or church members to make sure that you aren’t overly anxious and subtly passing that anxiety along to your children. Just like the instructions that flight attendants give if oxygen masks drop from the ceiling of the plane, that parents are to put their masks on first, you have to stay as balanced as possible to effectively care for your child during stressful times of change.
2) Be aware and be available
It is wise to be safe and take precautions for safety at home, but not to create extra fear. It’s always wise to teach our kids to be aware of their surroundings, and if the child is old enough, you can talk about the importance of keeping their environment safe by locking doors, or paying more attention to daily safety issues, like looking up to notice if any cars in parking lots may be backing out, (as opposed to running through parking lots like children have a tendency to do).If you sense anxiety symptoms pay more attention to being available for your child, to talk, pray or play. As you heighten your level of involvement and support, your child will be less likely to feel afraid because they will draw strength from the stability you provide in the home.
3) Watch your talk
It is recommended that you never discuss your greatest fears with your children, but rather use discernment in discussing your opinions about dangerous world events. Wisdom requires you to guard your tongue around children during difficult times to protect them from being overly worried or afraid. It is okay to discuss the facts of stressful events facing the family, (like having to move houses after a foreclosure), in age-appropriate ways with older children, but then move into a discussion of how we should pray about the change and the new life in the new house. This will keep the focus on moving forward through stressful times, instead of focusing only on the sadness of the past. Talk is one of the best ways to help a child feel secure, so ask questions and then just listen to allow your child a chance to release their fears in a safe way.
4) Monitor media usage and guard Internet images
Television and Internet images are extremely powerful and vivid in a child’s mind. That’s why you should take great care to avoid having the television on 24/7, but rather limit your exposure to media images, and the amount of time that children might be directly or indirectly exposed to hours of harmful media. If you feel like you must have the television set on for long periods of time, (which is not recommended), then turn the sound off. Talk about the positives of your family being together, or answered prayers, instead of focusing on the negative elements of terrible tragedies or trauma in other part of the country. Guide your children into stabilizing and feeling safe through the daily routines of what is happening in their world, as opposed to events happening in another, more dangerous part of the world. Protecting your child from harsh media images now will protect them from having to struggle to get those harmful images out of their head in the future.
5) Routine, schedule and rules
Children draw tremendous security from having a predictable schedule. Build a regular set of morning and evening rituals, like getting ready for school or bedtime stories or prayer time; also pay attention to include meal time and personal hygiene rituals that are age appropriate for your child. Even little guys and gals can help to take their plate from the table to the kitchen counter, or take more ownership of their daily rituals. This actually takes stress off of Mom and Dad as the child grows in independence through the years, but it is even more helpful for the child to feel the sense of empowerment from knowing what do to as they begin and end their day. House rules are always the same rules, which creates stability from predictability. No matter what is happening when there is a crisis of some kind in another part of the country, be consistent with your family boundaries to help everyone feel more secure by not allowing chaos to erupt from neglecting the regular established rules for household behavior.
6) Reconnect to family, friends and faith
Anxious times can be an excellent time to reach out to spend more time with friends or family members. If you don’t have family nearby, reach out to connect with a local church that has activities designed for you and your child. The additional socialization will help to build a sense of security from having other healthy people to draw support from, as well as allow every member of your family to be more aware of God’s love and protection. As a suggestion, read Bible verses on finding comfort during stressful times, like this one in Psalm 91: 9-10: “If you make the most High your dwelling-even the Lord, who is my refuge-then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” The Bible has hundreds of reassuring promises of peace and comfort during fearful times. Now is a perfect time to search out those verses and discuss the importance of a personal faith with your children so that they come to understand how the power of personal belief can give us all of us the courage to face the challenges of life. (see the additional verses at the end of this article for more insight)
7) Focus on hope, instead of helplessness
Remember that you and your child can make it through fearful and difficult times. Keep focused on practical ways to keep your child tuned into their world and the things that are normal to their daily life, instead of worrying about things they have no control over to change, (especially overexposure to media images from other war torn parts of the world). As you build these coping skills and life management principles into your home, your children will actually be stronger and less afraid of circumstances because they will be more aware of how to face their anxiety with the assurance of God’s protection and peace. Know that you are not alone through this time so reach out to other healthy people and keep reading and developing practical insights to help you and your children cope during the healing days ahead.
17 WAYS TO OVERCOME ANXIETY
from: “Worry Free Living” by: Dr. Frank Minirth & Dr. Paul Meier
Luke 12:22, 26 “Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
The irony is that the person not taking risks feels the same amount of fear as the person who regularly takes risks. The non-risk-taker simply feels the same amount of fear over trivial things. – John Maxwell
Deut 20:3 He shall say… “Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic.”
Ps 19:9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.
Ps 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Ps 34:9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
Ps 37:8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not worry– it leads only to evil.
Ps 94:19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Ps 111:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.
Ps 112:7 He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Prov 1:7, 33 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline…… but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.”
Prov 3:23-26 when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.
Prov 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.
Eccl. 11:10 So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body,
Matt 6:25,28,31,34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Sodo not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?’ or `What shall we drink?’ or `What shall we wear?’ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matt 10:19, 28-31 But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Matt 28:4-10 The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: `He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid, yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshipped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”
Luke 12:22, 26 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
2 Tim 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
1 Pet 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
For helpful resources to save time by solving other parenting challenges visit:
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NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information intact in the box below.
About the Author:
Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Critical Incident Stress Management expert with the Orange County Sheriffs Office, founder of StormStress.com and trainer for over 3,000 groups on the topic of making strategic change to overcome major stress- both personally & professionally. He is a professional member of the National Speakers Association who partners with major corporations and national organizations to make a positive difference in our culture for Jesus Christ.
Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The LifeWorks Group (407.647.7005) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems atwww.LifeWorksGroup.org
A recent USA Today poll asked this question,
“Which best fits your holiday emotional state?”
Relaxed – 18%
Joyful – 31%
Stressed – 27%
Depressed – 24%
Why do people feel so overloaded with additional problems during the holidays? I believe the majority of the pressure they feel is from trying to live up to unrealistic expectations of a ‘perfect’ Christmas.
Remember Clark W. Griswald from the movie ‘Christmas Vacation?’ He is the laughable, but best illustration of a guy who tries to do everything right, only to have literally everything go wrong. (Plot Spoiler Alert) Dysfunctional relatives, one blown bulb derailing all of the decorations, the Christmas tree goes up in flames, the turkey is dry, the check for the swimming pool is set to bounce, add in a crazy cousin kidnapping the hateful boss, while the dog destroys the house chasing a rabid squirrel and a senile senior citizen sings the national anthem; basically the whole 9 yards of Christmas chaos.
The movie makes us laugh because there are elements that hold true in many holiday customs that everyone follows. Traditions that may not have much to do with faith, or even common sense, but that still become a passionate pursuit for millions of people desperately seeking the perfect holiday. Holiday stress doesn’t create perfection or peace, but it does take the focus off the simple message of the Christ child to put it onto a thousand other things that don’t have much to do with the peace of the Christmas season at all. The time between Thanksgiving and New Years Day will cause people to feel really good or really bad without much room in the middle. The focus of this special report is for those in-between to not slide into the holiday blues and lose the true joy Christmas was meant to bring.
Making the Holiday’s more Miserable
The holidays can make depressed people feel sadder, people with addictions to have more cravings, worried people turn into a bundle of nerves and sadly it’s the time of year that many give up on their mental and physical health because they are just too “busy” to take care of themselves. The solution is not to ignore Thanksgiving or Christmas but rather to realize it is imperative to set holiday boundaries. People may not understand the words “holiday boundary” but Psychologist Henry Cloud calls it “a line during the holiday’s that marks a limit for everyone”. He believes that depression, cravings for substances and anxiety symptoms all worsen between Thanksgiving and New Years Day because people are unable to say “no” to all of the extra demands on their time, money, and energy.
Bottom line- the holidays don’t bring gifts to some people, this season just brings more problems. Why? many times it’s because they don’t want to offend or hurt the feelings of their family and friends, so they keep silent and tolerate situations or endure guilt-ridden obligations that only occur during the holidays. Sometimes that silent tolerance makes a complex situation much worse, while all of this dysfunction steals the real joy the holidays were meant to bring.
It is essential to take care of yourself by having the courage to set boundaries You can set limits on spending because it’s not necessary to try to stimulate the entire economy by buying gifts for every relative, neighbor and postman in your neighborhood. It is okay to say “No” and remember that giving your “presence” is often a much more thoughtful gift than just sending “presents.” Did you know the average American will gain 6 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Years? That’s a pound per week! You are allowed to say “No” to overeating or over drinking at holiday parties and you are allowed to keep a healthy lifestyle pattern with exercise and especially sleep. Many people starve themselves of sleep by trying to decorate, wrap or travel 20 hours per day. It is dangerous to be sleep deprived and can be life threatening when drinking and driving. Holiday boundaries can keep you and your family safe when you enforce them.
How to break the pattern of Holiday Blues Have you ever watched someone have a “melt down” during the holidays? If you aren’t familiar with this phrase, it means to be so totally stressed you can’t think or function normally. So, back to understanding why people ‘melt down during the holidays’ since this self-destructive process steals motivation and makes life miserable. It makes no sense. Why would people make impulsive choices during the Christmas season that only makes their life worse? Even more important is to stop the cycle before it steals energy and creativity to move into the New Year with strength. Here is a blueprint to show how ignoring basic boundaries can lead to a bad case of the holiday blues. Good news, once you figure out the formula you can learn to do the opposite, which will allow you to enjoy every day of the holiday season, instead of feeling miserable while enduring it.
The Blueprint for ‘Holiday blues’
First understand there really is a process to create a “Holiday Meltdown” experience where life goes from bad to worse. It follows a series of predictable steps. People suffering from the Holiday blues have conditioned themselves to follow a pattern of behavior that makes every day of the Christmas season chaotic and potentially every holiday tradition a catastrophe. They never allow themselves to relax and count blessings during the holidays because their total focus is on pleasing others. They don’t actually have good days, just less miserable ones where nothing goes right because they usually are looking for the worst possible scenario. It’s like the old saying, “Cheer up- things could get worse. So I cheered up and sure enough, things got worse.”
If the only things you are searching for are more problems this time of year then you can be sure that you will find more than enough to stay stressed out and afraid. Here are the basics of the ‘holiday blues’ which I have mapped out in a reverse blueprint process and remember the more elements of this blueprint you have in place between Thanksgiving and New Years Day, the worse you will feel and the worse your decisions will be- guaranteed.
Spiritual Strategies to create Significant Emptiness and build the Blues-
1) Ignore God and anything that would inspire you to see beyond yourself. No Bible reading, no prayer, no journaling or meditation about the blessings of your life, which would stimulate gratitude. Avoid any type of function that takes you out of your own world or that might make you aware of the greater needs in the rest of the world. Even though you are doing many religious things, mostly focus on yourself while ignoring everyone else, especially the poor.
2) Skip going to any peaceful church or concert where you might find quiet inspiration to focus on hectic shopping malls. Make sure to skip any activity that places you around positive or prayerful people. This includes helping the homeless or reaching out to other families who may be facing tough times this Christmas. As long as you stay focused on yourself and your problems you can feel empty, afraid and alone which will worsen the Holiday Blues.
Media Noise to block the real Message of the Season
1) Focus on the evening news and current events, especially big tragedies or world events you can’t do anything about. This approach is guaranteed to discourage you with negative media messages which often are full of depressing images that discourage from exposure to a continual flood of bad news. This focus on bad news can speed feeling a big case of Holiday Blues by making you afraid to even be alive.
2) Make Hollywood celebrities your main focus, especially if they have multi-million dollar lifestyles that you could never hope to obtain. Keep up with the drama of every tiny detail of their lives; in fact spend more time studying what is happening in the lives of famous strangers this Christmas than you do in understanding what is happening in your own family life.
Physical Steps to Fuel the Holiday Blues
1) Ignore your own health. You can do this faster by neglecting to get enough sleep. Push your body to the limits and never sit still to take quiet times to just sit and rest. Follow the rule that ‘burning out is better than rusting out.’ (Forgetting that either way- you are out)
2) Stay idle. Sit still and watch TV or the Internet; but never exercise or move around. In fact, stay inside most of the time and never allow yourself to see sunshine or feel the wind on your face over the holiday break. Nature is to be considered evil because being outside often reminds people of the beauty of creation. Use amusing entertainment to replace all forms of physical fitness.
3) Eat anything you want, especially large portions of comfort food like cakes, pies, candy and cookies followed by soda with lots of sugar and caffeine. Remember the rule – the worse the food is for you, the worse you will feel. Avoid anything healthy or nutritious if you want to suffer for months with the Holiday Blues.
Emotional and Financial Methods to make it worse
1) Keep all your fears inside and never take time to release pressure in healthy ways. No journaling, no mapping out insecurities on paper to prevent feeling panic. And make sure to never set goals that would give you a positive point of view in facing the future. Stuff your stress to ruin your day and make you a mess by trying to use money to manage mood in you and your family.
2) Don’t ever set a holiday budget or create a realistic financial spending plan for gifts– in fact, just let your financial obligations pile up until you feel like you are drowning in debt and financial fears come January. Not having any idea where you stand financially is sure to make you feel worse and prolong the Holiday Blues well into the springtime.
3) Never tell anyone what keeps you up at night, in fact, avoid any coach, counselor, pastor, menror, family member, co-worker or friend who might be a safe person who could help you process your fears to find greater strength. Go it alone to improve your chances of feeling miserable as a martyr.
How do successful people find new energy for the New Year?
Can you relate to feeling overwhelmed, undervalued, empty, lonely, unloved, stressed, depressed or afraid during the holidays? Then you have likely followed the ‘Blueprint Holiday Blues; (BHB), but don’t feel bad because most people have some degree of trying to please others which drives them toward tolerating irresponsible behavior instead of confronting it and holding the other people accountable. This is why so many people can relate to the Blueprint for Holiday Blues. Some of my worst holidays were spent with a dark cloud of moodiness overhead that I made worse by following the blueprint for holiday blues. I was too focused on me, myself and I instead of honestly looking at the challenges directly and seeking outside help to cope.
Successful people have learned to identify the ‘blueprint for holiday blues’ so they can make rapid adjustments to feel better fast. The real problem is when you feel so exhausted and beat up by unrealistic schedules that tomorrow look’s worse than yesterday and forget about New Year Resolutions!
So what about you -do you wake up refreshed this time of year with positive energy to face a new day or do you live exhausted and ‘stressed out’ day after day? Moving from being ‘Freaked Out’ to Feeling Good Again Successful people take positive action to break the pattern that creates ‘holiday blues’. Everyone faces challenges and tough days but some face them with strength by doing the opposite of the formula listed above. I’ve seen people try it both ways, and ruin some day of their life because of being so moody. Thankfully if you have healthy people around you they can confront you with verbal boundaries so you can change. People who say, ‘snap out of it’, ‘get on track’, ‘you were meant for more than this and Christmas is bigger than your pity-party right now.’
Do you have someone who comes alongside to challenge you with positive steps to break the ‘holiday blues’ process? On your worst days do you go it alone, or allow safe people to come close and help? If you don’t have those people know that my purpose in life is to add value to others, so until you believe in you, I’ll believe in you. God placed you on this planet for greater things than you could ever imagine! Please let today be the day you break the ‘holiday blues’ process to really embrace feeling good.
No matter what you are facing today, you will face it better by doing the opposite of the blueprint listed above so you can develop spiritual, emotional, financial and physical strength. You really do have the power to change and make today better. Choose to set some boundaries and break the cycle and when you do, tell others what you learned so they can break out of the ‘holiday blues’ too.
About the author- Dwight Bain helps people re-write their story through the power of positive change. He is a respected author, Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 who leads others to solve crisis events and manage major change.
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from John Rivers
Ingredients:
4 cups Your favorite cornbread batter
2 cups Your favorite stuffing/dressing
1 cup Turkey, sliced thin and cut into bite sized pieces
2 T Juice from the turkey or chicken stock
Gravy
Mashed Potatoes
Cranberry Chutney
Instructions:
Measure your cornbread batter into a mixing bowl.
Using your fingers, break apart the stuffing and add it to the cornbread.
Use a rubber spatula to ensure that the stuffing and cornbread batter are well combined.
Add the turkey and juice/stock to the cornbread mixture and stir with spatula until completely combined.
Coat a muffin pan in bacon grease or pan spray.
Scoop batter into pan.
Bake at 350 for 15 minutes or until top is firm to the touch and edges are golden brown.
While muffins are baking, heat mashed potatoes and gravy.
Use a skewer to poke holes into the top of the cupcake.
Fill holes with warm gravy and lightly smear gravy on the top surface.
Using an ice cream scoop, spoon mashed potatoes on top to look like frosting.
Use your fingers to make indentations in center of potatoes.
Spoon a small amount of cranberry chutney into cavity.
Enjoy the goodness!
from John Rivers
For the Sauce
1 C ground, canned fried onions, French’s
2 lbs French beans, ends trimmed
½ Sweet Vidalia onion, diced
8 oz White mushrooms, sliced
3 T butter
1 t kosher salt
1 t black pepper
½ T garlic, minced
½ T fresh thyme
¼ C AP Flour
1 ¼ C Chicken broth
1 ¼ C Heavy cream
½ C Parmesan cheese, graded
Preheat oven to 375
Blanch beans, transfer to ice water bath to hold.
Pulse canned fried onions in a food processor until finely ground. Combine with flour and set aside
Melt butter in a large skillet and sauté mushrooms and onions with S&P until onions are cooked thru. Add garlic & thyme and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds
Add flour & onion mixture and cook until golden, about 1 minute. Stir in chicken broth and cream. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer, stirring occasionally until sauce is very thick, about 10 minutes.
Add green beans and Parmesan cheese, mix well to coat completely. Transfer to a casserole dish, cover and bake at 375 for 30 minutes. Remove lid, cover casserole with onion topping and bake for an additional 10-15 minutes until top is brown and casserole is bubbling. Allow to rest for 15 minutes before serving.
For Topping
2 slices of hearty white bread (grilled cheese bread)
2 T unsalted butter, melted
2 C canned fried onions
Lightly toast bread, pulse in food processor until coarsely ground. Toss with melted butter to coat. Mix in fried onions.
by Dwight Bain
60 Proven Strategies to find new Strength in High-Stress Situations
We’ve all seen her – a busy mom trying to do everything and chronically being overwhelmed and stressed out because she can’t get it all done. So why don’t people reach out to help her? More importantly, why does she try to do so much which could lead to burn out – or worse – even Compassion Fatigue? What drives some women to the point of complete exhaustion?
Before you dismiss this as an overstatement, consider the newest definition of those who care for so many, with so little support. It’s called “Caregiver Stress Syndrome” and is a clinical way to describe the real physical and psychological changes as a result of chronic stress from on-going caregiver responsibilities.
Caregiver Stress Syndrome are actual physiological, psychological and emotional symptoms that can result from the ongoing strain of caregiving for a loved one, or attending to the all of the needs of others.”
How can you tell if you have crossed the line from being busy and overcommitted into being at risk for dangerous stress? Take a pen and score yourself on the stress symptom checklist below. Think about your life or even better, have someone who knows you well take the list and score what they see in you. Remember, many of these symptoms are common with day to day stress, but combined they can put you at risk for serious medical or emotional problems.
Warning Signs of Dangerous Stress
PHYSICAL
| Fatigue | Sweating | Shortness of breath | Loss or increase of appetite | Nausea or Diarrhea |
| Elevated blood pressure | Tightness in chest or chest pain | Muscle fatigue or weakness | Insomnia or Hyper-somnia | Increased cold or flu symptoms |
| Pacing | Heart Palpitations | Shallow breathing | Fainting | Abdominal pain |
EMOTIONAL
| Anger | Stress | Anxiety | Tension | Apathy |
| Fear | Panic | Guilt | Uneasiness | Alarm |
| Numb inside | Impatience | Depression | Shame | Nervousness |
| Grief | Loss | Irritability | Apprehension | Overwhelmed |
BEHAVIORAL
| Restlessness | Impulsive | Avoidance | Edgy | Rapid speech |
| Tense muscles/neck | Easily startled or jumpy | Hyper-vigilance | Withdrawal from others | Accident proneness |
| Anti-social acts | Inability to rest | Intensified pacing | Increased use of alcohol | Increased use of caffeine |
COGNITIVE
| Easily Distracted | Poor concentration | Forgetfulness | Errors in judgment | Mental Fog |
| Decreased decision making | Reduced creativity or mental focus | Diminished productivity | Loss of objectivity | Self-consciousness |
| Confusion | Fear of losing control | Frightening visual images | Fear of injury, death, pain | Flashbacks-nightmares |
The more warning indicators identified in a single category or across multiple categories, the more that person may be over-exposed to dangerous levels of psychological distress. If you are feeling overwhelmed with dangerous stress symptoms reach out to a trusted medical or psychological source so you can develop a logical plan to stabilize and recover.
What can you do if you are over the line from busy to burnout to dangerous stress?
Use the “STOP-REST” Strategy as soon as possible. The letters are an acrostic for rapid recovery of caregiver stress, and each letter stands for an immediate step to rapidly recover. Here’s how it works.
S- Symptoms. Identify your stress symptoms across all categories. (Use the list above as a guide)
T – Time. Get honest with how much time it takes to accomplish all the things on your list.
O- Obstacles. What is standing in your way? Is it a roadblock of money, guilt, obligations, What are they and then rank them from the most impossible to the most manageable?
P- Priorities. These are the core values in your life which must be lived out. Everything else waits on your primary priorities.
R- Recharge. Figure out what refreshes your body and soul and connect to that activity daily. (There are over 60 strategies listed out below to help you get started).
E- Environment. Do you recharge better with people – or alone? Curled up with a book, or out in Nature? Knowing the right environment will allow you to select activities or events which energize you, instead of drain you.
S- Supports. We need each other and moms are usually the worst about asking for help. Yet, the only way to really grow through challenging experiences is by having safe people to lean on.
T- Trust. This is more about trusting God than trusting others. If you are a person of faith you have an opportunity to grow as a believer through every trial and challenge. If you believe God is there for you, use the times of pressure to cleanse out old fears to replace them with new confidence God won’t let you down, and that you are not alone in the journey.
What are some fast ways to get back on track?
Start with your STOP doing list. Here’s how Stanford Professor Jim Collins describes this overlooked strategy. “Most of us lead busy, but undisciplined lives. We have ever-expanding “to do” lists, trying to build momentum by doing, doing, doing—and doing more. And it rarely works. Effective leaders make as much use of “stop doing” lists as the “to do” lists. They displayed a remarkable amount of discipline to unplug all sorts of extraneous junk”.
First, decide what you need to Stop doing today to Achieve more tomorrow?
“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” – M. Scott Peck, MD
Next begin to implement healthy ways to cope across the different areas of life. There are over 60 healthy coping skills listed below. Pick one or two of these proven strategies to put into practice and watch how quickly your perspective will change. So while you can’t make stress go away, you can grow stronger in spite of it. Don’t believe it? Try it over the next two weeks and you’ll see why millions of people in high stress situations practice these coping skills. They aren’t smarter or stronger than you – just more disciplined to use proven steps to recharge. The full list of physical, emotional, relational, behavioral and spiritual steps are mapped out below to get you started in protecting your health and the health of the busy or burned out caregivers you may know.
Once you identify what works for you, reach out to others and share the list with them. Together you can make a difference as you move beyond carrying your burdens alone to experiencing the powerful connection of managing the pressures of life with someone who cares. That is the fastest way to move from being a burned out caregiver, to one who blesses others with care and compassion because they found a source of renewal and strength.
Physical:
Emotional:
Relational:
Behavioral:
Spiritual:
Being a busy mom is a normal part of life, but with these coping skills it is my hope you will move from stress to strength and find the meaning behind these thoughts from Reverend Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who said, “There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler.” Because once you are able to “STOP and REST” you will see so many blessings from God you missed before and find greater joy in the process. I hope you start today.
About the Author – Dwight Bain helps people rewrite their story to move from stress to strength. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Bain partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Follow him on social media at www.Facebook.com/DwightBain or on Twitter @DwightBain Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 800 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2014), To receive this valuable counseling resource at no cost, visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org and click on the subscribe for E-Newsletter at the homepage. You are welcome to share this resource with others on your blog, social media, or work or church newsletter. Simply leave the article intact and all links must be reprinted. Thank you for helping us to help others.
by Dr Brian Pikalow (Pastor at The Venue Church)
“429” is a code for EPHESIANS 4:29: “DO NOT LET ANY UNWHOLESOME TALK COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, BUT ONLY WHAT IS HELPFUL FOR BUILDING OTHERS UP, ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS, THAT IT MIGHT BENEFIT THOSE WHO LISTEN.” This code means to “BLESS.” Bless your principal. Bless your teacher, etc.
Day 1 (Thursday): “429” Your Principal Day
“4:29” is a code word taken from Ephesians 4:29 for building the school principal up with your words and/or actions. Write an administrator a note of appreciation. Thank your principal for “See You At The Pole.” The administrators have a tough
job and rarely do they get any notes of “Thanks.” Hand deliver the note, drop the note off at the school office, or mail it.
If you know one of the administrators, you might feel comfortable asking them if you could pray for them and any needs at the school.
Think about how the school is a better place because of the leadership of the administrator you’ve chosen to write to.
Day 2 (Friday): “429” Your Teacher Day – Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor. Galatians 6:6
Write a note to let a teacher know he/she is special and that you prayed for him/her today. Teachers help people, so pray a prayer of thanksgiving for them.
Teachers have a hard job, so pray a prayer for them to have strength and wisdom. Teachers work long hours, so pray that God would strengthen and bless them ‘4:29’ one of your teachers. Hand the note to the teacher and job ‘teaching’ something that could cause such dispute say, “This is for you…Thanks.”
Day 3 (Saturday): “429” Your Parents Day – Honor your father and mother… that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:2-3
Do something nice and caring for, and with, your parent(s). For ideas see the illustration below. From an Advice Columnist: “I’m a 16 year old teenager who is a nervous wreck from getting yelled at. All I hear from morning to night is; stop being mean to your brother, get off the phone, hang up your clothes, do your homework, and clean your room!” The Advice Columnist’s answer: Stop being mean, get off the phone, hang up your clothes, do your homework, and clean your room.
Do something for someone today that will demonstrate the love of God to them. Remember that unconditional love is the best way to witness for Christ.
Well, you get the idea… spend time with Mom, she’ll love it! Do some chores your parent needs done without her having to ask.
• How about giving a “I Love You Mom” or “I Love You Dad” Card.
• “Thank you Mom for loving me, for all your sacrifice, for listening, and giving those special hugs.”
Day 4 (Sunday): “429” Your Pastor Day – The elders who direct the affairs of the church well—are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. 1 Timothy 5:17
Write your Pastor a note of appreciation and encourage him/her. Thank him/her for being a leader you can follow. Thank him/her for preparing a special message the Sunday your friends came to church. Offer to help anyone who could use assistance. Write a note thanking him/her for being God’s Shepherd for your church. Let the Pastor know you’re praying for him/her, his/her family, and the church. Write him/her a note so they have it in writing. Thank that individual for all that he/she does. Let your Pastor know that you’re praying for him/her.
Day 5 (Monday): “429” An Outsider Day- …the kindness of God leads you to repentance… Romans 2:4b
There are probably students in your school who believe very differently than you do. They don’t believe what they bible says and maybe don’t even believe that God exists. The bible says that the kindness of God can lead these people to repentance. They may think that they could never be a Christian, or that Christians don’t like them. Many of these students believe that Christians hate them and that God may hate them too. But God offers love and forgiveness to everyone who repents and puts their trust in him. And He gives freedom from the things that keep us in bondage to sin.
Think of someone at school who might feel out of place at a church. Make time today to talk to them and show them through acts of kindness that God loves them. Be kind, without compromising your biblical moral beliefs. Ask them what they think about God. Explain how God loves them and wants them to know and follow Him.
Day 6 (Tuesday): “429” Your Mentor Day – Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.
Day 7 (Wednesday-one week after SYATP): “429” Your School Day – Serve whole-heartedly, as if you were serving the Lord and not men. Ephesians 6:7
Scared of School: Warning Signs of Bully Behavior and How to Protect Your Child
School should be one of the safest places instead of a scary place because of bully behavior. Yet the recent number of horrifying acts of violence from bullies toward shy and introverted kids has everyone concerned, from the President to local school and law enforcement officials. However, the most important group to take positive action to protect their kids at school is always their parents who are the most tuned in to the needs of their children.
It is essential to know what to look for in protecting your child from the dangers of bully behavior.
Here are the classic warning signs of a child who is being victimized by bullies:
(If you aren’t sure how to spot the more dangerous warning signs from gangs, weapons, substance abuse or when a fight is going to erupt, there are a number of web links at the end of this article to give you greater insight of what to look for, and more importantly, what to do to keep your child safe).
Here are five key strategies you can use to protect your son or daughter from bully behavior at school or in the community.
1) Listen to your child’s fears and frustrations
Sadly many of the kids who felt like committing suicide to escape bully behavior held all of their fears and frustrations inside until they began a self-destructive cycle ending in their death. Bully behavior at school is not a new problem. However these days there are dangerous gangs and violent individuals in or around just about every school environment. Sometimes the bully violence comes from neighborhood gangs, but it’s far more likely that the threats, harassment, intimidation, fights or acts of violence will come from someone inside your child’s school. Student’s who use weapons against other students, like the Virginia Tech or Columbine shooters for example, often make threats long before acting on them. It is essential to listen to what is going on so you know how to respond.
Become more involved in talking about safety with your child, instead of just talking about academics or daily activities. Ask your kids direct questions and then really listen to their fears and frustrations about what’s happening around them at school. Keep the conversation age appropriate and allow your child to do most of the talking as you hear about their experiences with bullies or other situations that might have made them feel uncomfortable or afraid while at school, (Remember to change the conversation slightly depending on the ages of your kids and the pressures they may be facing at school, since it’s important to talk about safety to kids of all ages so they know what to do to stay safe while at school or away from their parents).
2) Get involved at their school & ask direct questions to teachers and administration
The greater the level of parental involvement the greater the chance that your child’s school will have less intimidation from bullies. When kids are involved in healthy after-school activities like sports, music, drama or scouting they are less likely to be in a dangerous situation, because everyone is engaged and involved, instead of bored or detached. Parents can spot and then quietly solve a lot of problems that may be in the ‘shadows’ by getting more involved in the lives of their children and encouraging greater involvement in healthy activities. Sometimes the easiest way to avoid becoming victimized by bully behavior is to be involved in activities with others instead of feeling insecure and isolated when threatening people or situations come along.
Kids need their parents to be involved in their lives at every age and life stage, either as classroom volunteers or to help with after school sports or extra-curricular activities. The extra support for your child builds a greater sense of connection and self worth since these activities are essential to develop important social skills and personal confidence. It also provides another set of ‘eyes and ears’ on the school campus to notice what pressures your child is facing from their peers.
If you see anything that makes you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to bring it up to your child’s teacher, school administrators or school safety officers. Also, if you are unsure about the safety at your child’s school to deal with more serious crisis events like school violence, then ask to see a copy of their critical incident preparation training guide, or school safety plan so you can review it with your son or daughter and then pass it along to help other parents as well.
3) Use national media events as springboards into serious discussions with your child and their friends
Much of the televised news reports about death by suicide to avoid school bullies is shocking to say the least, however, you can use news stories from the paper, television or an Internet news source to bring the facts of a national story out in the open to then ‘springboard’ into a more personal discussion with your son or daughter about how to deal with issues they might one day face on the local level at their school.
This can especially be important with older teens who may believe they are invincible to the harsh realities of violent and aggressive bullies who direct their rage toward innocent people in public places, especially schools. Something about seeing a group of crying teens gathered around a makeshift memorial to honor their fellow classmate who died tragically makes it more real… because it shows regular kids, just like them, who were victimized by dangerous bullies at or around school. Asking, “what would you do if you saw someone being bullied in a locker room?”, or “does anyone at your school make threats to hurt you, your teachers or other classmates?” are all ways to get directly involved in protecting your child, as well as preventing the next breaking news story about another school tragedy from happening on their school campus.
4) Have open family meetings about bully issues on a regular basis, don’t go silent on this potentially life-threatening issue
Every family should have regular discussions on how they would need to respond to bully behavior. Education officials encourage parents to have a plan for their personal safety should bully behavior happen against them. Knowing what to do and then reviewing that plan monthly will remove a significant amount of panic because planning removes panic.
If your son or daughter received a threatening note or heard about an act of violence from a bully, do they know who to call to protect themselves? When your son or daughter has insight on what to do when facing a bully they are better equipped to manage their fears, instead of internalize them which can build up into self-destructive behavior.
5) Pray for your children, for their friends, their class and their teachers
We can prepare our kids to know how to respond to bullies at their schools, but ultimately we can’t protect our kids from everything. Bullies can infiltrate just about any school setting. However, we know that God is bigger than any bully and that He is always a safe place to turn throughout the hours of the day when we can’t be there to guard our kids.
Many parents have the habit of praying for the safety and strength of their kids throughout day when they are apart. Why not give it a try so you can move from feeling scared about what you can’t do, to feeling secure in knowing that God always hears your prayers. Moving away from panic through prayer is a powerful way to get through any crisis and it’s a great practice to model for your kids. When your children learn to pray as their first step in dealing with pressure situations, they will have a remarkable power and peace in dealing with any situation, at school, work or in personal relationships as they grow into an adult. Prayer is a life skill that makes any situation easier to deal with, because you don’t have to carry your problems alone.
The bottom line is to take positive action to protect your child from experiencing more pain in the future from bullies at school, in the neighborhood or anywhere they may face tough people who want to intimidate them. Building your child’s confidence now will protect them for a lifetime.
For more detailed information about school bullies to review in preparing to talk to your kids visit:
US Department of Education http://www.ed.gov/category/keyword/bullying
National Crime Prevention Council http://www.ncpc.org/
For helpful resources to save time by solving other parenting challenges from a Faith based perspective visit:
http://www.LifeWorksGroup.org/
http://www.Family.org/
Most of all – never give up on staying connected and involved with your child’s life. The more engaged you are, the more you can be their safe place against the challenges they will face in every grade. You never stop being a parent, and in protecting your children from bully behavior you are protecting them from a lifetime of pain.
Reprint Permission: If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2014), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005“
About the author: Dwight Bain helps people re-write their story to find greater significance and success. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
Welcome to our Back to School Prayer List! Please join us in praying for these sweet kiddos as they head back to school…maybe even pick a few names and pray for them throughout the year. Add your child to the list by going over to our Facebook page: Z88.3 Mornings.
Pre-School & Pre-K:
Kindergarten:
1st Grade:
2nd Grade:
3rd Grade:
4th Grade:
5th Grade:
6th Grade:
7th Grade:
8th Grade:
9th Grade:
10th Grade:
11th Grade:
12th Grade:
College:
Other Students:
Teachers:
A special report from Dwight Bain
The Associated Press reported for decades that Oscar-winning actor Robin Williams struggled with clinical depression. He had won every award, had achieved fame, fortune and the status of a global celebrity. Yet, in interviews he described his life as a “meaningless struggle.” Fame will not make you feel better, and drugs or alcohol only numb the pain. He had trouble getting out of bed and was hospitalized or placed in treatment centers multiple times. But it didn’t change the outcome. Why? How come a talented man with so much to live for wasn’t able to reinvent his life to move past depression and what can we learn from his tragic death to help the people you care about?
I believe if you can talk through it – you can get through it, so talking about the subject of depression may lead thousands of others to take time out to evaluate their own lives, or the lives of those they care about. Depression affects children, teens, adults and seniors. The following special report and depression warning symptoms check lists can help you better understand depression, what often causes it and what to do about it. Remember, if you are experiencing overwhelming symptoms of depression that you will need to see a licensed medical or psychological professional for assistance because depression doesn’t get better by itself – but left untreated it can get much worse and often lead to a premature death.
UNDERSTANDING DEPRESSION
Depression is more than sadness or having a ‘bad day.’ It is a long-lasting, often recurring illness as real and disabling as heart disease or arthritis, Adults who experience clinical depression may feel an oppressive sense of sadness, fatigue, and guilt. Performing on the job may be difficult … going out with friends may be unthinkable … merely getting out of bed may be impossible. The person who has depression feels increasingly isolated from family and colleagues – helpless, worthless, and lost. This is why it is so important to reach out to be there for those you care about struggling with depression. Your presence can make all the difference.
Depression is a very common emotional condition. In varying degrees of severity, it affects 6-10% of all U.S. adults, more than ten million people in any given six month period, according to the American Psychiatric Association. At least one in five Americans will experience a major depressive episode during their lifetime, with women twice as likely to develop depression as men and remember that children and teens can also be at risk for depression. Listen to the words of author Don Baker as he describes his own journey through depression.
It is impossible for those that have never been depressed to fully understand the deep, perplexing pain that depression causes. For four years I appeared healthy, without bandages and without crutches. There were no visible scars, no bleeding, and yet there was the endless, indefinable pain that no doctor’s probing fingers could locate- no drug could totally relieve. There was always the pain and along with it the desire for oblivion- that would only come in restless snatches of restless sleep. I seemed to be out of touch with reality. Life was a blur, often out of focus. My life seemed to be nothing but pretense and fantasy. No one really cared, I felt-not even God. The only solution-at times-seemed to be suicide. To be told that Christians never get depressed only pushed me deeper into my black hole of depression. The way out of that black hole was a long and painful process- one that required the sensitive and insightful counsel of a friend… friends can help you through it, and God can use it to enhance and enrich your life. –Don Baker, from the book, “Depression”
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF A PERSON HAS DEPRESSION?
If you or a person you know has exhibited four or more of the following symptoms for more than two weeks, professional help should be considered:
WHAT CAUSES DEPRESSION?
We know that depression results from an interaction of several factors – environmental, biological, and genetic.
Environmental Factors. Stress resulting from the loss of a job, death of a family member, divorce, or ongoing health or family problems can trigger depression.
Biological Factors. Depression may also be tied to disturbances in the biochemicals that regulate mood and activity. These biochemicals, called neurotransmitters, are substances that carry impulses or messages between nerve cells in the brain. An imbalance in the amount or activity of neurotransmitters can cause major disruptions in thought, emotion and behavior. Some people develop depression as a reaction to other biological factors such as chronic pain, medications, hypothyroidism or other medical illnesses.
Genetic Factors. Because depression appears to be linked to certain biological factors, people can inherit a predisposition to develop depression. In fact, 25 percent of those people with depression have a relative with some form of this illness.
WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?
Doctors know more about depression than perhaps any other emotional illness. Because of research and medical advancements, 80 to 90 percent of those with a depressive disorder can be treated successfully.
Evaluation. A complete evaluation with a qualified professional is the first step in seeking treatment. Only a licensed physician or psychologist can diagnose a person with a psychiatric disorder. During the diagnostic evaluation, the physician or psychologist will determine if any other factors are contributing to or even causing the depressive symptoms.
Professional counseling. Various psychotherapies, cognitive behavioral therapy or “talk therapies” commonly used in the treatment of depression focus on the causes and effects of the illness. Interpersonal therapy helps people deal with problems in personal relationships. Cognitive therapy helps patients change negative thoughts or perceptions, such as high achievers who are convinced they are failures.
A DEPRESSION CHECKLIST FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES
The purpose of this checklist is to help you assess patterns of depression. There are no good or bad answers — only honest ones. Please answer Yes or No to each question as it applies to you.
_____ 1. Do you feel sad or “empty” much of the time?
_____ 2. Do you find yourself becoming irritable and quick tempered?
_____ 3. Have you lost interest in ordinary activities?
_____ 4. Do you find it hard to get out of bed in the morning?
_____ 5. Do you tire easily?
_____ 6. Is it becoming increasingly difficult to focus or concentrate?
_____ 7. Have you gained or lost weight recently?
_____ 8. Do you find yourself crying frequently or more easily?
_____ 9. Do you feel anxious or tearful much of the time?
_____10. Are you having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep or waking up early in the morning?
_____11. Do you feel guilty or overly responsible for others?
_____12. Is your attitude more negative than it used to be?
_____13. Are you overly critical of yourself or do you find yourself lacking?
_____14. Do you feel taken for granted by family, friends, or other relationships?
_____15. Are you increasingly impatient with your children?
_____16. Does your work day stretch on endlessly?
_____17. Do you have thoughts about dying or death?
_____18. Have you started drinking or using drugs to dull your pain or have previous habits worsened?
_____19. Do you sometimes feel that other people are criticizing or talking about you?
_____20. Do you find yourself experiencing headaches? Stomach aches?
Muscle pain? Chronic aches and pains?
_____21. Have you tried to hurt yourself or put yourself in dangerous situations?
_____22. Is there a past history of depression for you or another family member?
_____23. Do you find it hard to make decisions about everyday matters?
_____24. Are you pulling away from family and friends and spending much of
your time alone?
_____25. Have you lost interest in your sexual relationship?
If you found yourself answering “yes” to more than a few of these questions, it may be time to reach out for help. Remember- Depression doesn’t go away by itself or get better if left alone – it only gets worse. Please don’t let the people you care about suffer with depression alone – be there for them.
WHO IS AT RISK FOR DEPRESSION?
IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE DEPRESSION …
IF SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT HAS DEPRESSON…
SIGNS OF DEPRESSION
How do you know it someone is depressed?
Suicidal Thoughts or Wishes – “I’d be better off dead!” “I wonder if it hurts to die”
If the warning signs and symptoms of depression sound like you or someone you care about, it may be time to reach out for some professional help. Call a hotline, speak to a pastor, chaplain or counselor. Don’t go through depression alone.
THERE IS HOPE IN LEARNING MORE
Reach out for help … because the more you learn about depression, the better you will understand that it has specific causes and effective treatments. And like any illness, depression can affect anyone at any time.
By reaching out for information you can recognize the signs and symptoms of depression. That knowledge may someday allow you to help someone get the treatment he or she needs to live a healthy and fulfilling life.
Behavioral Strategies to overcome Depression
And remember to pray for guidance. You are not alone in battling depression. God will be there for you if you call out to him. Thanks for reading and remember to share this important information with others. Thank you.
by Dwight Bain
“Life should be easier this summer, so what am I doing wrong?” Was the hectic plea of a stressed out mom I talked to recently. She was facing what millions of other moms go through. It’s the middle of the summer without set schedules or routines, yet it is still one of the most stressful times of the year. Ever wonder why extended family time away from school or work can lead to greater conflict and tension?
First, realize you are not in a Disney movie. Summertime is like any other season of the year. It has a different temperature pattern, but that doesn’t mean it will be any happier. In fact, if you are facing financial challenges it can be harder since there are increased childcare costs, summer camp tuition fees and more meals eaten in the car between events. The traditional school year isn’t easy, but it is predictable, and from a budget perspective is often less stressful than trying to keep up with the continual obligations of summer. For people in high conflict relationships the relaxed schedule means more time to fight. It’s like they have more fireworks in their home every day than the fourth of July. Verbal violence is wrong no matter who starts it and extra time with greater financial pressure can lead to a continual battle. If you are in an abusive relationship don’t wait for it to get better – because it won’t. Call for help now.
Second, remember you are the parent and you set the tone for your summertime expectations. If you try to keep up with everyone’s fabulous vacation, or travel over to meet another family at the beach, or go to the movies to see every summer blockbuster, or go boating with the neighbors, or attend every barbeque and picnic you will stay broke and tired. Trying to live out the expectations of someone on a reality TV show will only cause disappointment. Figure out the schedule and budget you can responsibly manage during the summer and stick to it. Breaking the bank and losing sleep to be like everyone else will only exhaust you. Besides – everyone else is probably lying about how fantastic their lives are, which is why they may brag so much about their fantastic lives. If someone is constantly telling you how wonderful their life is – it could be a cover up. Either way, live your life, within your means to avoid the comparison game of beating someone else.
Next meditate on the words of Jesus, who once told his disciples to “Come apart and rest for a while.” This simple wisdom is essential to avoid summertime stress. Finding times of peaceful rest will take you from seeking family entertainment, (theme parks, go-cart tracks, movies, putt-putt, cruises, and the cross-country trek to visit “Wallyworld”), to move over to a deeper and more meaningful process of building family experiences. Face the reality that children rarely will remember spending money on something trendy, but will always remember catching fireflies, or making s’mores on the grill, or playing Lego’s because a thunderstorm knocked out the electricity. Creating a family experience involves time and creativity – not cash. But be warned, once you experience the laughter and peace of just being together as a family without all the distractions of expensive entertainment – you will never be able to go back to being a group of strangers who try to avoid one another with the latest, greatest event because active connection with the people you love trumps passive observation of another meaningless event. One engages your family, (think of tubing down river together – it’s not expensive, but it is a powerful memory that creates more connection than watching the latest Transformers film), while the other allows them to escape real family connection.
Finally, get back on schedule. One of the sources of summertime stress is being off your regular routine. Sleep the same, get up at the same time, and go do free stuff, (like story time at your public library), instead of sitting home watching TV. There are many subtle stress producing emotions that come from sitting and being bored, or worse, discouraged by how ‘perfect’ everyone on television seems to have it. Stop it! Turn off continual TV and it’s temptations or distractions, (same goes for Facebook), to get up, go out and live life – instead of staying inside and watching others live their lives on the small screen.
You don’t have to stay stressed this summer – but you do have to make the decision to be different. Start by changing your schedule to be out and about with activities that matter. Then move forward to have real conversations with the people in your life. This could be the best season for those you care about if you make the decision to break out of summertime stress to push toward meaningful relationship. Moving from relationship fireworks to relationship friendship is a good trade- and when you make it, you will be glad you did.
About the Author – Dwight Bain helps people rewrite their story to move from stress to satisfaction. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. Bain partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 800 complimentary articles and special reports atwww.LifeWorksGroup.org
Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2014), To receive this valuable counseling resource every week, visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005
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Morningswith Ellis & Tyler |
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Middayswith Dan Connors |
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Afternoonswith Shadow |
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Eveningswith Paco Lopez |
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Late Nightswith Alana |
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Overnights |
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Weekend Mornings |
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Weekends |
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Weekend Eveningswith Tracy |
