Mornings with Ellis, Tyler and Tracy…A positive way to start your day!
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure.
Philippians 2:14-15 NIV
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Lamentations 3:22 NIV
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1 NIV
If you have been watching the Olympics, maybe you are a little sad it’s over. It has been so inspirational to hear the stories of our athletes and all they have gone through to get them to the moment they have waited for. These are moments we get to peek in on and even be a part of.
There were so many great moments. World records broken and things that will be talked about for years to come. But what I will remember the most is how the Olympics became a part of my family the last 17 days. My 5 year old, Emma Grace, cheered on gymnast Gabby Douglas like she was her best friend. She had the biggest smile on her face when she heard swimmer Missy Franklin talk about God after winning a race. My 2 year old, Ella Jay, learned to chant U.S.A., and there were moments throughout the events to teach them both about hard work, disappointment, victory, and humility. No gold, silver or bronze medal could replace such sweet life lessons. Let the countdown for the Winter Olympics in Russia begin.
Love,
Tyler
By Dwight Bain
Little kids do it, senior citizens do it, Presidents and Prime Ministers do it… they worry too much. Do you let this common pattern steal your joy, if so you are not alone since worry affects everyone from 5 to 85. Women are especially prone to this emotion that steals so much joy from living.
Women worry about many different things, from finances to body image to relationships to work or even to worry about their mother’s approval, even if their mother is 90! Yet the same psychological drive is fueling this stressful emotion no matter what triggers it. I believe the real source behind the worry most women feel is control.
Not control in the sense of being a manipulative monster, (like Jane Fonda’s character in the chick flick film “Monster-in-Law”), rather it’s the need to know what’s happening around her so she can feel empowered, safe and in control of her emotions and environment.
Think of it this way.
The Cure for Worry is Control
When control goes up, worry goes down because the more a woman can understand the more she will automatically feel a sense of security and confidence inside. Think of it like the self-control the Bible talks about, instead of hyper control, which only leads to frustration. When a woman knows that things are under control she will feel comfortable, safe and worry will fade away. (Maybe that’s why day-spas are so popular- a woman can just take a break for a few hours and not worry about the world around her).
However, as a situation begins to feel out of control, worry dramatically increases, leading to more serious conditions like:
Women process information verbally which is why they need to talk through so many issues to feel comfortable. When a woman feels connected through communication she feels confident and alive, instead of overly concerned or afraid.
Listen, Don’t Lecture
Men would do well to figure out that they could make rapid improvement in their relationships simply by listening, instead of lecturing the women in their life. She doesn’t want a quick ‘Mr. Fix-it” answer usually, she just wants someone to listen and allow her to sort through her fears, worries and concerns. When a woman feels safe in the relationship, her worries fade and psychological energy can be spent on living life, instead of living in fear of what might happen next.
There is a biblical principle that says, “Cast all of your worries on God, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7). Learn to give your stress, fear and worries to God through prayer, because that way even if the people in your life aren’t listening you can still rest safe knowing that God will always be there for you.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it with your own list at work, church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews (Copyright, 2004-2012), subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource by calling 407-647-7005 or by visiting www.LifeWorksGroup.org “
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He is a professional speaker who partners with media, corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture for Jesus Christ.
By Dwight Bain
We all know someone who is in the difficult situation of trying to make their marriage work, but they are alone in the process. It’s like 1 person trying to make a 2 person bicycle go fast, or make a boat designed for 2 people to row go straight… it’s almost impossible. While it can be done for a while, it leaves one person exhausted while the boat is going in circles and the bicycle rolls back down the hill.
Why does this happen? Lots of reasons, often it appears that one person loves too much, and the other sometimes doesn’t seem to love enough. Whatever the reason marriages that have this imbalance create a lot of potential problems besides the obvious exhaustion. This overworking/under working cycle steals joy from the marriage; creates unrealistic comparisons with other couples; creates isolation & discouragement from one person who seems to be continually trying with no real results.
So what can you do when you are trying to save your marriage alone? Use this process to find new hope and strength.
Remember hope springs eternal, and that the person you promised to love for a lifetime is still in there somewhere. Take some bold action to not lose the love, reach out for help from others as you need to since you really aren’t totally alone. God will send people to comfort you in your quest to make your marriage all that it can be, starting with me. Be encouraged my friend, it’s worth the effort to build a relationship together with your best friend for a lifetime.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005″
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
By Dwight Bain
The key to a better relationship is a lot simpler than you think. In fact the key to a better life is also simple – it’s not being afraid to ask. The Bible teaches you have not because you ask not. (James 4:2). Consider the following situations that could have been easily solved… if someone had the courage to ASK.
Think of how many times a student was struggling to finish a class, but was afraid to ask for extra time or extra credit.
Or the shy guy in High School who thinks the cute girl in his English class likes him, but he is afraid to ask her out on a date.
How about a woman who knows she is right for the promotion at work, but stays quiet, never asking for more responsibility or a raise to go with it.
Or a husband who wonders if his wife still loves him, but never speaks up and then is trapped into a tempting addiction to cope with his loneliness that he didn’t have to experience… if he only had stepped up to ask.
You may have heard the phrase that someone “Can’t read your mind” in the relationship, which is a simple way to draw attention to the need to speak up about issues. What if your loved one doesn’t practice this advice? Then you have to step up to A.S.K. I describe this relationship strategy with the letters A.S.K. Here’s how it works.
A- is to challenge you to be assertive- to be bold enough to speak up in a direct manner, to not stay silent or shy and to get to the point by not playing games
S- is to be sincere, to be honest and to be able to talk straight from an open heart Finally, the
K – is to be kind. Especially with tough issues, since kind communication on tough issues is easier to hear than coming across as mean or attacking.
Since the key to successful relationships is to be able to ask questions, here are a few to get you started.
· Can we spend more time together?
· Do you love me?
· Can you help me with this?
· What’s going on?
· When do you want to do this?
· Do you know how to meet my needs?
Some questions are going to be harder to ask than others. Often the toughest questions can bring about tremendous results if you muster up enough courage to directly ASK. For instance, “Can you stop spending?” or “What were you watching on the computer when I walked into the room?” or “When can we go back to church as a family?” or “What do I need to do to move ahead with this company to make more money?”
Other questions may sound sappy, like something out of a “chick flick” but asking tender questions can take your personal relationships to a deeper level of intimacy. It’s better to ask, “Can we just sit together tonight and watch the sunset?” or “Why don’t we call your mom to watch the kids so we can go to the beach for a romantic weekend?” or “I need you to be more affectionate, could you say ‘I love you’ more?”
Either approach, tough or tender brings results when you remember to use the formula.
· A- Assertive
· S- Sincere
· K- Kind
So next time you feel like complaining that you are misunderstood, under-appreciated, under-paid or unloved, why not spend your energy asking questions that may lead to your needs being met by the people around you. Over 2,000 years ago St. James challenged people to solve their lack by simply asking. That same advice works today. So if you find yourself in a situation where you have not… solve that by asking.
More importantly, if you find yourself in a desperate situation where nothing seems to be working and no one understands you; try asking God for help. You can always pour out your needs, hurts, doubts and frustrations to Him. He will never reject you and may even meet your needs with a direct answer. Prayer works because it is built on the core relationship advice skill of asking. Try it!
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005″
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
By Dwight Bain
The Big Tree burned up a few weeks ago and I’m still sad. A mysterious fire brought down of one of the world’s oldest cypress trees, estimated to be 3,500 years old. The 118-foot-tall bald cypress was the fifth largest tree in the world… but it’s gone now. The fire investigators believe that a fire was sparked in a hollow part of the tree, so it slowly burned up from the inside out. By the time fire fighters were called to save one of the oldest trees in North America – it was too late.
Hearing the news of a landmark I first visited as a child made me feel sad, but it also reminded me of how often people do the same thing. Think about it for a minute. How many times do you see someone who has a great career, but then they self-destruct from the inside-out. Dr. David Uth describes it this way, “You never see the fall in a person’s life – you only see the crash.” Because we can’t see what is burning in people’s lives there is a tendency to believe they are doing well when in fact there are two dangerous emotional reactions we need to be aware of… emotions that can destroy everything good.
Burning up –
This dangerous behavior is easy to spot. Someone is angry, moody and irritable all the time. When someone is burning up with emotion they need a healthy way to vent, so these toxic emotions don’t get dumped on the people they love the most.
Burning in –
This is the slow-burn, like the one that destroyed the Big Tree. Resentment, bitterness or revenge are common emotions that slowly burn inside of a person, and eventually can destroy them and the relationships they cherish at home, or work.
So how can you manage these intense emotions without destroying yourself- or others? A better approach is to remember the words of King David in Psalm 34…”This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him and delivered him from all his fears.” When you learn to voice the emotional pressure you feel, it can be pointed toward productive behavior, and can bring much good. (Much like a fire in a fireplace can warm, comfort and soothe a person.) How can you express emotions without dumping a “Fire” onto others?
1. Pray it-
Taking your fears, frustrations, anger and hurt directly to God is the single best way to manage major emotions. Little children learn to take their burdens to God, so they don’t have to carry them alone. As adults we can do the same thing.
2. Write it-
Expressing painful emotions on paper is a simple way to relieve pressure. The odd thing is that it’s so simple most people won’t take time to do it. When you take a pen and paper and just vent out the frustrations you now can actually ‘see’ more of the problem, so it’s easier to sort through your options and find a solution.
3. Talk it-
Finding a trusted friend, pastor or counselor to talk through issues is another positive way to manage major emotions. It’s also a safe way to sort through the best way to respond to protect the relationship- instead of letting pressure build up that will ultimately destroy it.
4. Read it-
To spend time in God’s word studying the biblical response to managing emotions is another positive way to sort through the normal emotional pressures we all feel. Small children can learn from simple stories that show how to deal with others, (like “Veggie Tales), and adults can benefit from the insights of popular authors who focus on counseling themes. Reading to gain new skills is another way to seek out new options to manage major emotions. Remember – you always have options.
Do you see the difference? To let pressure build up inside can lead to the dangerous situation of a tiny spark igniting a major fire of emotion. Wisdom is to keep the risk of internal fires away by spending time in healthy skill development, instead of continually being at risk for a major burn.
The relationships in your life are important… protect them by keeping the risk of fire away. Every step you take and every skill you develop will protect the beauty of God’s design for you, and those you care about.
About the author: Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He partners with the media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his life management blog with over 400 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org
My husband and I are a few weeks away from celebrating our first wedding anniversary and we are thrilled to share the news that I’m a little more than 3 months pregnant!
It’s been fun to talk with Tyler and Tracy about their pregnancy experiences. I find myself asking them questions like “Is it normal to be really grossed out by the smell of coffee?” or “Is it okay to sleep on my back or do I always have to sleep on my side?” I just found out from Tyler that I’m not supposed to eat hot dogs which is what I was craving for lunch today.
I was at a pre-natal appointment a few weeks ago where my husband joined me. He was coming from work so he got there a little later than I did. The nurse knocked on the door of the exam room and said “Daddy’s here” and my first thought was “What is my dad doing here?” That was the first time I heard anyone refer to my husband as “daddy”.
It’s been such a fun journey for both my husband and me so far and I’m so looking forward to the weeks and months ahead.
- Producer Carrie
Encouragement is not something that comes easy for me. Some people I know are natural encouragers…they always know what to say and are always thinking about how to lift others up. I am much more literal and practical with almost everything I approach. God is nudging me to always think about others and consider what they are going through.
This past weekend I went to a marathon with my husband He was running so I parked myself halfway to be there to take a picture of him. I was there an hour early watching all the runners go through. A marathon is 26.2 miles…that’s a long way. As I stood there…I cheered them on. Some of them were tired and you could tell they wanted to stop and give up…I would say “Keep it up…you can do this.” You could see their eyes brighten and their whole bodies straighten up. It was like water to a thirsty plant. The thing about encouragement is it has nothing to do with you. It always thinks about the other person. I want to be an encouraging friend, mom, wife and child of God. The challenge for me will be with my 2 little girls. Instead of telling them what they need to do better, I want to start telling them about what they do right.
-Tracy Leek
“You are always messing things up!” “Why can’t you just listen to me and actually do what I say!” These were the comments I witnessed a mom saying to her young child in the grocery store. The little boy must have only been around 6 years old. My heart broke as I saw the look of embarrassment on his face as he stood over his spilled juice box. After my moment of judgment I started seeing glimpses of ME in the face of that tired and frustrated mom. It was like God was showing me how ugly and hurtful some of my reactions to my sweet girls have been. As parents our intentions are always good aren’t they? It’s always easier to notice someone else’s bumps and boils than it is to notice our own.
I’m thankful that Kate Battistelli has been our guest on the Z Thursday mornings throughout this month. She is the momma of Z artist Francesca Battistelli and author of a new book called “Growing Great Kids”. She has been encouraging us to be more intentional with our kids in 2012. I want to be the kind of mom that demonstrates love and encouragement even when I don’t want to. Let’s claim Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
So when our kids create a mess on aisle 4 or if they don’t live up to the high standards we can sometimes set for them, may God help us to see in those moments that our words can cut like a knife or show God’s grace. I challenge you to join me in being more intentional than ever in speaking encouragement to our kids, taking time each day to let them hear you thank God for them. Point out the gifts in them that make them special. Most importantly, in the times we lose our cool and mess up, lets vow to show our kids what forgiveness and grace are all about. Its humbling to apologize to your child.
There is power in the words we speak to our children. We have the choice everyday to build them up or tear them down. My 4 year old Emma Grace wrote me a note that said “You are the best mommy I have ever had”. She also asked me, “ Mommy did you know that you get more beautiful everyday?” She must know that powerful words work on mommas too!
-Tyler
I hope you had an amazing Christmas with your family and friends. I love this time of year. It seems like at least for a day things slow down and we get to be home together and laugh and relax. I am from Ohio so we will travel there to see my mom and dad and family. I miss them. My dad has a way of making me laugh and he can still make me want to be a better person.
When we get back..the start of the New Year brings big changes! I am so excited to be joining Ellis and Tyler on the Z Morning Show! I have two little ones at home, Abigail is 6 and Liz is 4 and this will allow me to get them from school and love on them in the afternoons. I will miss Deano so much 
He’s such a good friend. Please keep him company for me. This is a huge answer to prayer for me. I began praying to God over a year ago and asking Him to make a way for me to be with my girls and I am humbled and amazed at His answer. Our God is so much bigger than we can ever imagine…and His love is even bigger. I look forward to talking with you in the morning starting in Jan! Now go eat more chocolate and we’ll worry about the pounds next year 
-Tracy
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Morningswith Ellis, Tyler and Tracy |
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Middayswith Melony McKaye |
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Afternoonswith Deano and Jen |
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Eveningswith Suzanne Lynn |
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Overnightswith Tate |