Mornings
Give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107:31 NIV
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18 NIV
Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Hebrews10:24 NIV
Turkey Brine
Combine all ingredients except fruit and herbs in a non-reactive pot and stir until mixed completely. Add fruit and herbs and keep cold. Can be prepared up to 24 hours in advance.
Smoked Turkey
Submerge turkey completely in brine and allow it to soak overnight in a refrigerator, as to not let the temperature of water to rise above 41 degrees.
Light charcoal in smoker, cover and allow temperature to reach and rest at 225 degrees.
Remove turkey from brine and pat dry with paper towel. Reserve vegetables and herbs from brine. Coat outside of turkey with oil and rub it entirely with salt, pepper, ground sage and a pinch of ground thyme. Note to also coat and season the inside cavity. Once rubbed, stuff cavity with vegetables and herbs from brine.
Add wood directly on top of hot coals to create a heavy smoke. Place turkey in smoker, cover tightly and allow it to smoke until the internal temperature of turkey thigh reaches 155 (roughly 4-6 hours). After first hour then every hour following, spray turkey with apple juice. Note to not allow the smoker to remain open for any extended duration.
Cook the 4R Bourbon Glaze while turkey is smoking.
Monitor temperature of smoker to maintain a constant 225 degrees, more coal might be needed. Continue to monitor and add wood when initial chunks are burnt so a constant stream of smoke is maintained.
Remove turkey from smoker place in a shallow roasting pan and cover with foil or saran wrap. Allow meat to rest for 30 minutes or up to an hour. Slice, serve with 4R Bourbon Glaze and enjoy!
4R Bourbon Glaze
Add poultry bones, vegetables and spices to water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer uncovered for 3 hours. Pour broth through a strainer to remove all ingredients using care to capture all the liquid. Pour broth back into pot, bring to boil and reduce by another 1/3 (approximately 4 cups).
In a separate pan, add bourbon and bring to a fast boil. Lower heat to medium and allow bourbon to reduce to a ¼ cup (about 5 minutes). Add 4R Smokehouse BBQ sauce and 1½ cups of the both and bring to a boil. Reduce to medium-low heat and continue cooking for 45 minutes until glaze is thick enough to stick to the back of your spoon. Serve warm on top Smoked Turkey.
Makes approximately 1½ cups.
Ingredients:
1 [15 ounce] can of pumpkin
1 cup evaporated milk
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 [18 ¼ ounce] package butter-flavored yellow cake mix
1 cup butter [melted]
1. Stir together first six ingredients. Pour into baking dish. Sprinkle non-prepared cake mix evenly over pumpkin mixture; drizzle butter evenly over the cake mix.
2. Bake at 350° for 1 hour or until golden brown. Remove from oven, and let stand for 10 minutes before serving. Serve warm or at room temperature with whipped cream.
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach
Monster storms like Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Tornadoes, Floods, Blizzards, Forest Fires and Mud Slides destroy more than communities- they destroy emotional security and stability in the lives of everyone impacted by these critical incidents, especially children. Equipping counselors with response techniques is essential so they can make a positive difference during the rebuilding process. Here are some key elements to know in serving children who have been emotionally traumatized by natural disasters.
How are children affected?
It depends on the age of the child. The younger the child, the more they look to their parents for emotional security and strength. If a parent is “shell-shocked” or psychologically “numb” and not able to manage their own emotions or responsibilities; the child feels even more pressure and becomes more confused and stressed. Remember, it’s normal to be overwhelmed by a major natural disaster, which is why it’s so important for caregivers to take care of themselves in order to effectively take care of children through the months of recovery and rebuilding after the storm.
Focus on the needs of Younger children by noticing what they are saying, drawing or doing to determine if they are feeling stressed from the storm. (Very small children may display developmentally inappropriate or delayed behavior which may require medical or psychiatric intervention). School age kidsneed to talk, draw or take positive action, (like kids who didn’t lose their homes hosting a lemonade stand to raise money for kids just like them who lost everything during the disaster). If you give them something to do to help, they can take positive action and sort through their emotions immediately.
High school age kids may try to act “cool”, yet are often more scared about the changes and losses than any other group. They may need to experience a bit more “reality” at times to open up their ability to talk about what is happening around them. If the situation is stable enough, older teens can help in neighborhood clean up, which connects them to others in the important task of rebuilding after the storm. Another approach is to see if they are willing to talk with peers, siblings or family members, to build confidence in expressing their stressful emotions to others.
Be alert for dramatic changes in behavior, such as a ‘happy-go-lucky’ child before the storm who now continually watches world disasters on the news. Focus on any dramatic shifts in personality. Watch for major changes in sleep, dietary or appetite patterns, school performance, peer relations and so on. If you see major changes, seek professional assessment with a pediatrician, child behavioral specialist or psychologist. (See a full list of warning signs at www.StormStress.com).
What are some ways to help kids talk about storm stress?
Reach out to children on whichever level is most likely to connect. Talking, writing, drawing, even making up a song or puppet show about the impact of the disaster will lighten someone’s emotional pain by watching or talking about their experience. Some families use newspapers as a discussion starter, since talking about any crisis event can help kids gain confidence to move from the panic of survival to move toward building strength after the storm.
Are there “hidden media dangers” that make storm stress worse?
Media overexposure is dangerous to kids, so avoid this by limiting TV news updates. Children or adults have experienced media overexposure when they show a depressed mood; or by going “numb” to normal emotions associated with stressful events, (e.g. no compassion or inappropriate laughter). Carefully sort through media outlets-like TV, Internet, radio or newspapers, to screen out stressful or inappropriate content that would be depressing to a child. Set boundaries during the rebuilding process to protect them from additional stress in media, since it is important to protect the safety of their home and minds by managing media exposure.
Watching catastrophic problems in other parts of the world causes more stress in an already stressful situation because you don’t have the power to control the very sad stories caused by these disasters. That’s why it is wise to move from negatives to positives images during highly publicized disasters like Hurricane Katrina. Parents should sit down and discuss the impact of media and create limits on any stressful images that might further stress their children. Some families without electricity discovered that not having the distractions of Internet, cable television or loud music playing in their homes allowed them to reconnect as a family on many levels. Openly discuss these issues so that home becomes a more positive place with more energy to mange the stress from this disaster without making things harder from the hidden stress of media overexposure.
Is it okay to talk about what happened to our family with others?
Silence is not golden in a critical incident, it’s dangerous. One of the best things to help yourself as well as others is to tell your story. Talk about where you were when the storm hit. Use this same technique to help kids talk about how they made it through the natural disaster, then add the powerful element of sensory recall by asking about what the storm sounded like, smelled like, looked like, felt like or even tasted like! Listening to the stories of others who survived brings emotional recovery faster.
This is important for everyone involved, kids, grandparents, Mom, dads, employees, employers, firefighters, police officers, nurses, teachers, students and on and on. Everyone has a story about how they survived the killer storm and telling it helps them heal while giving others a chance to connect to family, neighbors and coworkers in a powerful way. Also, ask others, including pastors, or people helpers like counselors and nurses since many times these professionals are so busy reaching out to meet the needs of others, they neglect to take time to deal with the storm stress in their own life.
It’s normal to be tired, worn out and stressed after a natural disaster however it’s not okay to ignore caring for your own needs as a counselor. Anyone impacted by natural disasters may need to change their schedules for a while in order to take care of their own mental health. Helping kids is important, however if your caregiver tank is empty, let someone else help until your strength comes back. That’s best for you and those you care about since it prevents the psychological burnout caused by Storm Stress.
Reprint Permission- If this article was helpful you are invited to share it electronically or in print with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint and thanks for helping us to help others by spreading the word. “Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group, www.LifeWorksGroup.org eNews (Copyright, 2004-2008, by the LifeWorks Group)”
About the author– Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He is a member of the National Speakers Association and partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with almost 200 complimentary articles and special reports at www.LifeWorksGroup.org
Brevard County Public Schools: BPS will be closed Friday, October 26, including extracurricular activities. Afterschool events scheduled for Thursday, October 25 are still in effect unless otherwise notified by individual school principals.
Flagler County Public Schools: Flagler county schools were already scheduled to be closed for a teacher work day on Friday, October 26.
Lake County Public Schools: Lake county schools were already scheduled to be closed for a teacher work day on Friday, October 26.
Marion County Public Schools: Marion county schools were already scheduled to be closed for a teacher work day on Friday, October 26.
Orange County Public Schools: Orange county schools were already scheduled to be closed on Friday, October 26.
Osceola County Public Schools: At this time, we have no expectations that we will need to close schools. If any cancellations of after-school activities or athletics are required, parents will be notified on this site and through an automated telephone call.
Seminole County Public Schools: At this time, there are no plans to close schools, cancel activities, or suspend games and/or evening events.
Sumter County Public Schools: At this time, Sumter county has not announced any plans to close schools.
Volusia County Public Schools: Schools will be OPEN Friday; however, all field trips for Friday, October 26, have been cancelled, as well as events and athletic activities scheduled after school and in the evening. Field trips, events/activities are also cancelled for Saturday, October 27. This includes indoor as well as outdoor activities. Dismissal time and extended day on Friday will not be affected. The Explorations Fair tonight (Thursday) at Mainland is open 6 – 8 pm.
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach
Right now you know someone, probably a woman working two jobs, (not counting parenting children and running a household), who is trying to make their marriage work and they are in it alone. It may be a co-worker, a sister, a neighbor or friend at church, but you know this person, and since it’s most likely a woman let’s consider it from her point of view because she is in a tough place. So while you may see her smiling on the outside talking about her love for her man, here’s what may be going on inside that house when you aren’t there to see it.
She’s hurting more now than she ever has before. Why? Because Marriage was never meant to be done alone. So why do these women keep working without help to make their marriage work? A couple of reasons. Obviously they really love the guy on the couch who just can’t or won’t keep a job or step up to lead his family. This causes another major problem, because she doesn’t want her children to suffer or do without the basics, like new shoes, school supplies or playing little league. And so she does the only thing she can think of doing – she works, and works and then she works some more. Work is all she can think of doing because an average family needs 60-80 hours of income to take care of their home budget, which means that both parents are working 30-40 hours per week, or one person is working two jobs just trying to keep their family afloat… and that one person is exhausted.
Obviously not every man is a sitting on the couch watching sports while his wife is cooking, cleaning and trying to pay the bills, but tragically there are a lot who do and leave their wife to be the responsible one. In fact, many men are highly motivated and disciplined and go out to find something to do to support his family during tough times so his wife isn’t trying to make it work alone. He realizes that a woman draws emotional strength from knowing her husband will provide for her and the kids. She has the confidence that he will be there for her. This article isn’t about guys who dig in during tough times to live out the words of their wedding vows to be there, ‘in sickness and in health, for richer- for poorer’, no this article is about a very different kind of marriage, and one that gets much worse as time goes by. Let’s start by looking at the major problems this exhausted woman faces, and tragically, she faces these challenges alone.
Lazy men or just Losers?
What’s up with the guy on the couch who isn’t providing enough income to meet the needs of his family or who demands that his wife cook, clean, care for the cars and lawn while they play video games- what makes guys like this act like irresponsible teenagers? Well, face it – some guys are just lazy- they grew up without any self-discipline, or self-respect and they just won’t keep gainful employment or if they do work, they aren’t disciplined to budget their money to benefit the family. They need to take a Dave Ramsey financial management course, but probably won’t since they believe their money belongs to them, not their family. Remember the phrase, “Selfish is – as Selfish does.”
Their mother’s didn’t do them any favors since some guys never grow up, and just decide to marry someone to take over where their mother left off… they expect hot meals, clean clothes, healthy children, the bills to be paid and someone to function as an attractive personal assistant- but they refuse to give back to the relationship. This type of marriage isn’t a partnership at all, it’s sort of like the medieval system of a master and peasant, and the woman is basically expected to be a slave to meet his every need. It’s 100% about him- and 0% for her. That is not God’s plan, but sadly it is common in culture.
Then there is another group of unmotivated men, simply put, they have given up on life, and most see them as ‘losers’. They may have failed in their education, or failed in their career aspirations, and have just given up on finding a good job to meet the needs of their family. Some guys in this group will go out to work at a job well below their potential just to avoid feeling like a failure again, which is better than nothing, yet eventually the bills will overshadow the gap in their income, leading to another major financial failure if they don’t change. Crushed self image can lead to just walking away from responsibility in life. While it helps to see the psychological root factors, it doesn’t change that it leaves a woman exhausted and empty from trying to make her marriage work alone.
Often women want to make excuses for their husbands continual failures, or blame it on his low self-esteem, but there comes a time in life where a man has to step up to the plate to become a responsible man, which often means him going out to seek some help from others so he doesn’t have to not fail again. However, many times he just keeps repeating the same mistakes, which just dumps more problems onto his wife to fix while he escapes by watching sports on TV or online gambling. He may escape with a beer, or with a newspaper, but the story is always the same. It’s someone else’s fault, blame, criticize, cuss or attack… the theme is always about how someone else is the reason they can’t get ahead. You won’t hear them talking about their lack of partnership and you won’t see them calling the counselor or pastor for help. Dump it on the wife to fix… and be moody or temperamental so she will be afraid to speak the truth that his behavior is wrong. Remember, bully behavior won’t pay the bills, and it just scares the people that he says he loves the most.
Watch behavior… if there is a marital partnership it will show up. However, if there is one person doing all the work to make the marriage appear ‘normal’, then that will show up too.
It should be noted that sometimes a man is unmotivated because of substance abuse issues. Potheads, alcoholics and porn addicts don’t think about providing for their family, they think about themselves. Sometimes what may look like a motivation problem is actually due to bigger psychological or substance issues, which would take professional intervention, diagnosis and treatment. The problem is that addicts don’t usually seek help until they crash, and if they are enabled by others, they can stay addicted for years while creating terrible pain and hardship for those around them. Kids suffer, women get exhausted and often homes are foreclosed on while everyone ignores the hard reality that addiction doesn’t get better without intervention, in fact, it often gets worse.
Lost boys become Passive Leaders
The next group of unmotivated men aren’t lazy or losers they just never learned which career path to take so they take the first job available. Think of them as “Lost” because they work hard for years, but struggle to get ahead because they don’t have any direction. Basically they haven’t found career coaches, leaders or mentors to guide them in moving up the career ladder. They could step up to become more of a partner if they had some coaching and accountability to change. There are a lot of guys who grew up in crazy dysfunction without any leadership and it’s a bigger group than you would think. Thankfully when these men see a better path they experience rapid results because they step to be the leaders their wives want them to be and it’s fun to watch. They build strong homes and experience peace out of marital partnership. However, if they don’t get some direction these guys may stay stuck and unmotivated for years because they fear seeking out help to discover their career strengths, so they slowly sink financially, while watching other more motivated guys get ahead and have better lives.
An interesting problem is that some guys might actually sabotage any efforts to try and help him because they feels so hyper-sensitive about even discussing how trapped he feels in a dead end job. He may fight against those who reach out with good advice on making some positive career changes to experience the financial freedom to provide for his family in a more stable way. Oddly enough, even though it’s their greatest fear, they can often be so prideful they don’t let anyone come alongside to help them face it with courage; so they stay stuck in a downward career spiral, leaving the growing financial burden and exhaustion on their wife. Their fear of making a career change hurts the people they say they love the most.
Good guys – or unmotivated men in disguise? Some guys may appear to be clean-cut, all-American, likable husbands and fathers who volunteer at church, mow the grass, don’t act mean, hateful or abusive, but they are still married to an exhausted woman because they won’t step up to lead their family. They look like a great guy to the public, or people at church, but they just don’t partner with their wife, which makes everything tougher because God never designed marriage to be a “one person does all the work” kind of relationship. In fact, if a woman is overworking to make up for the areas where her husband is unmotivated to change she will often resent him and the relationship will suffer, or fail.
View a health marriage as a two person bicycle. It works great when both people are pedaling together, but it is EXHAUSTING when one person is trying to pedal twice as fast because the other one won’t do their share of the work.
When should an exhausted woman who feels alone in her marriage speak up?
There is tremendous pressure placed on women to ‘do the right thing’ for her kids, which often is interpreted as being forced to provide the latest and greatest cell phone, elaborate birthday parties and expensive forms of entertainment for their kids. It is not a sign of bad parenting to say ‘no’ to things you cannot afford it’s actually a sign of strength and will help a child learn that you can’t have everything you want. Part of being a responsible adult is learning how to control and manage financial impulses. This takes financial pressure off of both the husband and wife in a marriage, but sadly many couples don’t sit down to work on budgets together, since one person frequently does all the earning while the other does the spending. The lack of partnership in dealing with budgets often bankrupt families. If a woman sees this happening and doesn’t speak up, she will be evicted along with her kids. Better to speak up now, rock the boat a little instead of calling U-Haul and friends to help make a hasty move after the house is foreclosed on.
Silence about the lack of partnership in a marriage can create a downward spiral of bad behavior, especially with spending when moms try to over-compensate for the lack of parenting from their passive husbands, or to cover the guilt she feels from being gone so much of the time trying to make more money to pay the bills. Overspending to make up for the lack of marital partnership often ends up with spoiled children, strained marriages and a pending financial disaster. Silence is the worst approach to take when there is a lack of marital partnership.
Saying “NO” is a lot better than collecting massive debt to create an artificial lifestyle to keep everyone feeling happy for a while. Some women live in continual fear that the credit card lifestyle they secretly use to fill the gap of living with a passive man will one day come crashing down, so they keep their credit spending hidden like an addiction inside, hoping every day that she will make it to the mailbox before her husband discovers her secret… when speaking up would have been a stronger course of action.
Partners talk about issues, good, bad, ugly, they talk about it and often can solve the problem. If you are married to a passive partner at least bring up the problems. But don’t nag, no one listens to critical whining… it’s a waste of breath.
Lack of Partnership? It’s your job to speak now
Mark Twain said, “If the truth hurts- it should.” Women married to passive husbands often don’t want to hear the truth about the love of their life. They would rather live in the illusion of their feelings that he is a “great guy” and that their marriage is “normal” than to look into the mirror and see the truth. They might fiercely defend his lack of employment, his bad luck with bosses, point out how he loves the kids but just doesn’t have time for them because he needs to exercise and be on the church softball team; because once they openly acknowledge that their husband is an unmotivated man, it makes it real, and once it’s real, it means that something has to change.
It’s hard to face this reality, and it’s hard to confront a man they care about, so to avoid the risk of hurting his feelings they just carry the burdens inside and work harder. Another common way women avoid making their husband uncomfortable is by secretly asking their parents for money to make it another month, and grandparents are suckers when it comes to providing for the needs of their daughter and grandkids… so it goes on month after month until someone runs out of cash. No more cash means things eventually will crash and everyone will have to face the truth that was there all along. Marriages can’t work with one person doing all the work.
Finances quickly force things out into the open that might have gone unnoticed when there is more disposable income. Exhausted women feel desperate when they reach the end of their financial rope… without access to lines of equity, retirement accounts or the inability to get a family loan from parents who may already be financially stretched from the tough economy. When she runs out of options a woman has to face a painful reality. Get honest about the problems caused by the lack of partnership in her marriage and then confront him boldly. Sadly some women are so afraid to say something to hurt feelings that they silently find negative ways to cope, (overeating is the most common). She will slowly and silently drown in her sadness if someone close to the situation doesn’t step in to ask some direct questions and offer real help. Marriages require partnership.
Speaking the truth isn’t about attacking a man’s character as a human being, it’s about the basic reality of a shared partnership to run a family together. Emotionally, Financially, Parenting, Household chores… it takes two responsible adults to make it work. Partnership is about sharing marital responsibility instead of dumping everything onto an exhausted women who is essentially going through life alone like a single parent, (except she just happens to be legally married to an unmotivated man who keeps dumping problems on her lap to solve).
Sadly, it may take an exhausted women feeling completely overwhelmed to finally take action and say, ‘listen Mister- I desperately need help running this household and it’s time for you to grow up and help me!’ A husband-wife partnership requires both people yet some women are so used to the dysfunction of living with an unmotivated man that she is almost numb to the idea that things could ever change. If she doesn’t speak up with boldness the bitterness of time will cause her to explode in rage… and no one listens to a screaming woman. So the cycle often repeats.
Change requires Confrontation
No one likes conflict, but this type of relationship problem can’t improve without direct communication and confrontation. Most women won’t be able to do this alone, because most women have tried many ways to get their unmotivated husband to change and it didn’t work. So if talking to him doesn’t work, a woman has to have some back-up to confront in a way the unmotivated man can begin to hear. This may come from a parent, a trusted friend, pastor, counselor or career coach.
Be sensitive to this exhausted woman, she needs someone to help her turn her husband around, but she doesn’t need to be judged or criticized- she does enough against herself every single day. If you want to really help her, don’t blame, just point out the truth of her situation and ask how you can help. There is a biblical principle that says, “in the multitude of counselors there is wisdom and safety.”(Proverbs 15:11) And this woman needs both… wisdom and safety, so be kind as you move forward to gently, but firmly offer help.
Sometimes it may involve the passive man having someone come alongside to create a step by step approach of accountability that includes building confidence through attending men’s groups, leadership events, personal development seminars, career coaching or church retreats on learning new skills as a healthy husband and father. The information for unmotivated men to change into loving leaders is available- it’s out there. Still, he has to take responsibility to go out and seek it. The formula works like this: R=R simply put, RESPONSIBILITY = RESULTS. When a man takes positive action to change his family, the results are an improved relationship and stronger partnership.
Often he won’t begin to change until facing some very hard realities. The most severe that he may lose everything of value to him if he doesn’t take bold action to turn things around for his family before it’s too late. These aren’t threats, because no one takes a threat seriously. It’s the reality that trying to petal for two eventually leads to the bicycle crashing and everyone getting hurt.
Leading families in partnership together
A man has to move from being an unmotivated man to becoming more self-disciplined as a leader for his family, and if you say that word very slowly, you will discover the real answer to solve many of the problems of an exhausted wife… she needs someone to ‘lead -her’. Not a boss lording over her- she needs a partner. She needs a motivated man who wants to build a great family by her side, no longer like a married ‘single parent’ no- now as partners building memories, instead of being in misery.
When a man learns how to be a responsible and motivated leader things can turn around rapidly, and no matter how deep the financial pressures they are in, when a husband and wife are working together they will not just survive it, they will thrive from the blessings of being partners pulling together through the toughest of times, instead of slowly drifting apart. It makes their partnership stronger and their marriage gets rock solid as God intended; remember, marriage was never meant to be done alone.
Someone you know is an exhausted woman trying to make her marriage work alone. May these words challenge you to reach out with God’s love and a gentle heart to let her know she is not alone and that she can count on you for support as she takes action to finally end the exhaustion and aloneness from trying to make her marriage work alone. Do her a favor, give her this article, and more importantly, give her your prayers that starting today she can experience a marital partnership with the man she loves.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. – “Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To receive this valuable weekly resource subscribe at www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005.
About the author- Dwight Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Certified Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 years with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He is an author who partners with media, major corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture for Christ. Access more counseling and coaching resources designed to save you time by solving stressful situations by visiting his counseling blog with over 500 complimentary articles and special reports www.LifeWorksGroup.org
By Dwight Bain
Do you remember the classic pop song that included the lyric – “Look at all the lonely people.” I sure do, especially since it perfectly described how I felt during a dark time in high school. I felt completely lost and lonely… literally like no one cared. Those negative emotions didn’t stop with loneliness… no, they kept sliding into more sadness and even pity. It was a deep hole, but thankfully my parents saw me sliding away and made an appointment for me to talk with my youth pastor, Dave Hurd.
Brother Dave, as I knew him, helped me see beyond my loneliness and almost 40 years later I’m still grateful. God used his life to challenge me to climb out of that dark place and now I want to share with you the insight he gave me so long ago. My hope is that this truth would help you and those you love to not spend one more day feeling lost and lonely. Picture being in a pastor’s office to hear these words of wisdom that were life-changing for me.
First, realize that you are not a victim and you are not invisible. God designed you with a special purpose, even if you can’t see it right now. Your life counts, never forget that.
Next, focus on how valuable you are to God… He would rather let His own Son die than live without you. Once you can see your personal value to God, then search to see how your values line up with others. Do you like music? Is there a choir you could get involved with? What about community service? Consider seeking out a ministry that feeds the homeless. Do you like helping abandoned animals? Is there an animal shelter nearby?
As you move from invisible to visible through connection to others or elevated volunteer activities people will begin to recognize you as someone with a caring heart. It will take a little time, perhaps weeks, but if you press on to be available to help others, they will begin to notice you.
Another approach is to get verbal, to speak up with new confidence. People always admire someone who is able to voice issues clearly. The world’s largest speech club meets in over 6100 locations globally. It’s called “Toastmasters International” and is a gentle way to gain new skills to speak to others without the fear. (find out more about this community based communications club by visiting www.toastmasters.org/ )
Years ago a wise youth pastor gave me the courage to step out of my fearful shell and now decades later I challenge you to do the same. St. Paul taught a young man names Timothy about stepping up to face issues with new courage, Listen to His wise words, “God has not given us the Spirit of Fear, but a Spirit of Power, of Love and of a Clear Mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) Those words aren’t just for Timothy… they are for you too if you decide to move from feeling lost and lonely to moving forward in feeling connected and cared for. It won’t be fast or easy, but it will be deeply fulfilling and then you won’t feel lonely anymore.
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
Reprint Permission– If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint. “Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005″
Pre-K
Addison
Alexia
Bryce
Calice
Chris
Daniel
Ethan
Emily
Isaiah
Mason
Micah
Natalie
Otis
Patricia
Peyton
Seth
Travis
Willa
Kindergarten
Alexander
Alexia
Alissa
Brooke
Cayden
Caroline
David
Eli
Emily
Ethan
Haleigh
Isabella
Jada
Jada
Jareth
Jayden
Jordan
Julien
Katie Mae
Landon
Landon
Loik
Luke
Luke
Makenna
Miracle Angel
Peter
Quintin
Shawn
If you have been watching the Olympics, maybe you are a little sad it’s over. It has been so inspirational to hear the stories of our athletes and all they have gone through to get them to the moment they have waited for. These are moments we get to peek in on and even be a part of.
There were so many great moments. World records broken and things that will be talked about for years to come. But what I will remember the most is how the Olympics became a part of my family the last 17 days. My 5 year old, Emma Grace, cheered on gymnast Gabby Douglas like she was her best friend. She had the biggest smile on her face when she heard swimmer Missy Franklin talk about God after winning a race. My 2 year old, Ella Jay, learned to chant U.S.A., and there were moments throughout the events to teach them both about hard work, disappointment, victory, and humility. No gold, silver or bronze medal could replace such sweet life lessons. Let the countdown for the Winter Olympics in Russia begin.
Love,
Tyler
By Dwight Bain
Little kids do it, senior citizens do it, Presidents and Prime Ministers do it… they worry too much. Do you let this common pattern steal your joy, if so you are not alone since worry affects everyone from 5 to 85. Women are especially prone to this emotion that steals so much joy from living.
Women worry about many different things, from finances to body image to relationships to work or even to worry about their mother’s approval, even if their mother is 90! Yet the same psychological drive is fueling this stressful emotion no matter what triggers it. I believe the real source behind the worry most women feel is control.
Not control in the sense of being a manipulative monster, (like Jane Fonda’s character in the chick flick film “Monster-in-Law”), rather it’s the need to know what’s happening around her so she can feel empowered, safe and in control of her emotions and environment.
Think of it this way.
The Cure for Worry is Control
When control goes up, worry goes down because the more a woman can understand the more she will automatically feel a sense of security and confidence inside. Think of it like the self-control the Bible talks about, instead of hyper control, which only leads to frustration. When a woman knows that things are under control she will feel comfortable, safe and worry will fade away. (Maybe that’s why day-spas are so popular- a woman can just take a break for a few hours and not worry about the world around her).
However, as a situation begins to feel out of control, worry dramatically increases, leading to more serious conditions like:
Women process information verbally which is why they need to talk through so many issues to feel comfortable. When a woman feels connected through communication she feels confident and alive, instead of overly concerned or afraid.
Listen, Don’t Lecture
Men would do well to figure out that they could make rapid improvement in their relationships simply by listening, instead of lecturing the women in their life. She doesn’t want a quick ‘Mr. Fix-it” answer usually, she just wants someone to listen and allow her to sort through her fears, worries and concerns. When a woman feels safe in the relationship, her worries fade and psychological energy can be spent on living life, instead of living in fear of what might happen next.
There is a biblical principle that says, “Cast all of your worries on God, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7). Learn to give your stress, fear and worries to God through prayer, because that way even if the people in your life aren’t listening you can still rest safe knowing that God will always be there for you.
Reprint Permission– If this article was helpful you are invited to share it with your own list at work, church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews (Copyright, 2004-2012), subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource by calling 407-647-7005 or by visiting www.LifeWorksGroup.org “
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He is a professional speaker who partners with media, corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture for Jesus Christ.
By Dwight Bain
We all know someone who is in the difficult situation of trying to make their marriage work, but they are alone in the process. It’s like 1 person trying to make a 2 person bicycle go fast, or make a boat designed for 2 people to row go straight… it’s almost impossible. While it can be done for a while, it leaves one person exhausted while the boat is going in circles and the bicycle rolls back down the hill.
Why does this happen? Lots of reasons, often it appears that one person loves too much, and the other sometimes doesn’t seem to love enough. Whatever the reason marriages that have this imbalance create a lot of potential problems besides the obvious exhaustion. This overworking/under working cycle steals joy from the marriage; creates unrealistic comparisons with other couples; creates isolation & discouragement from one person who seems to be continually trying with no real results.
So what can you do when you are trying to save your marriage alone? Use this process to find new hope and strength.
Remember hope springs eternal, and that the person you promised to love for a lifetime is still in there somewhere. Take some bold action to not lose the love, reach out for help from others as you need to since you really aren’t totally alone. God will send people to comfort you in your quest to make your marriage all that it can be, starting with me. Be encouraged my friend, it’s worth the effort to build a relationship together with your best friend for a lifetime.
Reprint Permission– If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005″
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
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Morningswith Ellis & Tyler |
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Middayswith Dan Connors |
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Afternoonswith Shadow |
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Eveningswith Paco Lopez |
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Late Nightswith Alana |
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Overnights |
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Weekend Mornings |
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Weekends |
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Weekend Eveningswith Tracy |
